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8 Ball, 5th pocket.


Over the years of partying, I’ve kicked it with people who could handle their drugs and alcohol and those who couldn’t. We all know someone who just couldn’t handle personal limits, one thing leads to another, next thing you know they are posting about Jesus helping them through their path to recovery. I guess after a childhood where I regularly answered collect calls from multiple federal penitentiaries, from a couple cousins who were constantly in and out of jail, I’m jaded to these situations. When it comes to folks in recovery claiming to suddenly be besties with our Lord and Savior, I’ll play along but I don’t have to believe you. 

I just know that a large percentage of the time, it’s a dog n pony show. A lot of times a relapsed drug addict will continue to play along in an attempt to keep their continued drug use a secret while they parade around as a born again, whatever. 

One small trick I learned and loved to do to my cousins when I was a snot-nosed little 10-year-old, punk… Run up on one of them and check their 5th pocket. “What’s in there Johnny?!” I’d say while laughing.  I will never forget watching my mom very angrily yelling at my cousin a week after he got out of jail, “Whats in this pocket John!” Referring to the “5th pocket.” My mom then wrestled into his pocket and pulled out a baggie with white stuff in it. 10 year old me had no idea what the fuck it was, I just knew my mom shaking down my cousins for “bad stuff” made me laugh and I loved to recreate that scene. Regularly pissing off my cousins and usually getting a huge wedgie in the process. Well worth it. 

 10 year old me thought my cousin was some sort of genius who figured out that the little pocket on his right hip was perfect for storing little baggies. Adult me knows he was no smarter than any other dude who regularly carries narcotics on their person. A shit ton of adults use the 5th pocket specifically for transporting their personal drug stash. 

As a matter of fact, I’m pretty certain big pants knows exactly why they keep putting that 5th pocket on their jeans. If you expect me to believe Levi’s doesn’t deliberately add that 5th pocket to cater to their sizable clientele who regularly enjoy a quick mid-week key bump, you can GFY. 

I applaud these large, mostly conservative corporations for never letting these druggie pockets fade out. Unfortunately for druggies worldwide, adults are pretty woke to this previously over-looked sweet little compartment for all things illegal. 

I mean let’s be honest.. 2 groups of people use this pocket. Your coke head cousin, and little boys between the age of 4-12 cause that’s where little kids keep their nickels and maybe a green army man. That’s it. The rest of us ignore that pocket as if it never existed. 

If someone in your life is in recovery but showing signs of their old self, don’t hold back! Take your index finger, curl it up like a hook and dig into that pocket. You have every right to mine for the coveted 5th pocket 8 ball. This is a win-win for the one holding a person in recovery, accountable. If they aren’t holding, Good for them for showing discipline. You’re only checking cause you care! If they are holding, take that shit. You earned it. besides, just cause you rob a family member of an 8 ball and then turn around and do it yourself, SO! plenty of adults have the ability to enjoy drugs from time to time without the god damn wheels falling off their life. 

Just be careful, I’m not sure what I’d do if I did a 5th pocket shakedown on an adult and found a couple nickels in there. That’s just too much for me to process. above my pay grade. 

Happy hunting friends.