Juju Smith-Schuster Bought 120 Mega Millions Tickets In Hopes Of Winning Enough Money To Bring Le'Veon Bell Back To The Steelers
God I love Juju Smith-Schuster. I mean it’s pretty hard not to love a guy with that name right off the bat. Millions of people that don’t know shit about football drafted him in their fantasy leagues just because they loved his name. But the fact he balls the fuck out, has some of the most fun touchdown celebrations in the game, and does relatable shit like chasing the dream by loading up on $220 worth of lottery tickets that makes him so fucking likable.
Everyone has been frozen with anticipation waiting for Le’Veon Bell to return to the Steelers. Every week we hear a report that Lev is coming back in a week, that day comes and goes without a Le’Veon sighting, and the world keeps on turning until another report comes out the following week. Rinse and repeat. But Juju had enough of that nonsense and tried to be a solutions guy by throwing some of his own personal money at the problem. Sure part of that solution included him winning $1.6 billion. However I doubt Art Rooney or Big Ben were waiting in an hour-long line of desperate people at a 7-Eleven on Tuesday night praying they were the 1 in 302,575,350 to win the jackpot in order to find a way to get number 26 back in black and yellow that didn’t involve the shitty franchise tag. Nope, it was Juju who was out there trying to become a hero to Steelers fans and Le’Veon Bell fantasy owners across the world any way he could despite still being on a 2nd round rookie contract this season worth $600k. That is the kind of glue guy that turns Super Bowl contenders into champions. Juju becomes filthy rich, Lev rejoins the team for the playoff push, and the franchise tag can be used on some other Steeler because Lev doesn’t have to chase the bag by signing with some other shitty team. Win/win for everyone. Well everyone except for James Conner and his fantasy owners, who I’m pretty sure would make Juju their arch nemesis the minute he Venmo’d that cash to Le’Veon.
My only beef with Juju is saying he would still play football after winning the Mega and just upgrade every other part of his life.
Asked what he would have done with the Mega Millions, Smith-Schuster said he’d take care of his teammates, then jokingly took that back. “I’d still play ball, but have better cars, a better house, have that lifestyle,” Smith-Schuster said.
I’m sure Juju BELIEVES he would still play football if he had won. But playing a game that is equal to a million car accidents every week when you have $500 million in your bank account probably gets pretty old, pretty quick. Yeah being with your football brothers and cheered by millions of fans during a playoff push is nice. But slowly turning your brain into soup when you could be living like Leo DiCaprio on a yacht halfway around the world seems a lot better. If Juju kept playing, he would have to have these three things written into his updated contract.
1. No more training camp, ever.
2. No more passing plays where he goes over the middle. Save those for that pauper Antonio Brown.
3. No more games playing against the Bengals where Vontaze Burfict isn’t suspended/injured. Because I’m pretty sure Juju is on that maniac’s hit list after this play last season
And this alleged threat this season
You can deal with that kind of shit if you are a young receiver trying to lock up that big 2nd contract. But having to keep your head on a swivel twice a year so Vontaze Burfict doesn’t blindside you with a sledgehammer wrapped in barbed wire during a snowy December game in Cincinnati when you have half a million in the bank would be flat out crazy.