More Of The Greatest Pat Burrell Legends: Myth Or Reality?

Part I of The Greatest Pat Burrell Legends: Myth Or Reality? – MUST READ

Would love to have this as a daily feature. Wake up/GTA/Pat The Bat Tall Tale/Smokeshow. Something tells me there might be enough material out to make it happen. Doesn’t matter if these are all from a cousin’s-best friend’s-brother’s-ex’s-sister who might have made up the story because she got the Bat stuck in more holes than she initially planned then never was acknowledged by him again, they’re all off the charts hysterical. Only the Babe can pull off these legendary exploits in the Philadelphia area and beyond.

Once again, presented without jokes or opinions. Just the facts as they were given. Most likely 12th hand.

A collection of Reader Emails and comments after the jump:

Reader Email #1:

This one is a first hand telling of the story so I believe it to be totally true. Pat was out with Chase Utley around the time when Chase first got called up. The two were sitting at a bar in Philly, Chase having some sort of mixed drink and Pat drinking a beer out of a Big Gulp cup. He was just leaning over the bar and pouring beers for himself. They leave and go elsewhere. My friend leaves with his buddy and goes to the next bar where Pat and Chase are also at. Two girls were pestering the ball players so Pat threw his drink into one girls face and Chase’s into the others. The girls were thrown out and our hero’s were brought a fresh couple of drinks.

 
Reader Email #2:

Yo boys,

I have also heard a story of Pat The Bat telling a broad to say “Say you’re fucking Pat Burrell”. It was a girl from Ohara down the shore in Sea Isle. Was one of my cousins slut friends so I don’t want to give up any names but yes my cousin said that she started screaming “IM FUCKING PAT BURRELL!!” Funny stuff, dudes a legend.

-Delco Stoolie

Reader Email #3:

Word of mouth obviously, but have heard from a few people that Pat’s nickname among other Miami baseball players was “Hoover” since once of his hobbies was jizzing on girls’ backs and then sucking it up like a vacuum cleaner

Reader Email #4:

Heard this story third hand from an old roommate.

A girl he knows is out in Olde City one night and realizes she is within a few feet of The Bat so she approaches him and after seconds of courting they end up back at her place. I dont know any sex details but they finish the deed and he gets up, put on his clothes and walks to the door to leave.

She is curious why he is so fast to leave…..Pat tells her “I’m heading back out, but don’t worry……(turns around single pistol eye wink) You just got fucked by Pat Burrell”.

—
Zak

Reader Email #5:

A friend of a friend was staying at the same hotel as Pat the bat. Apparently met a women at a bar and took her back to his room. And by met I mean saw her, left her a room key and waited for her to come up later. He must’ve been ass fucking her because everyone staying around the room could hear him drunkenly yell “YOUR PUSSY’S JEALOUS! YOUR PUSSY’S JEALOUS!”

Reader Email #6:

So basically pat used to date heather mitts whose now married to AJ Feeley. When they were all in Philly, Feeley saw Pat at a bar and went up to him and praised his career and the Phil’s. Pat started off cordial giving him the same bs back about the eagles. But before he walked away he left him with this “one more question… How’s my dick taste?”
What a legend.
BC

Reader Email #7:

Not sure if you heard this one before but supposedly my buddys cousin took Pat the bat back to her place home from the bar. She woke up early in the morning to go to work so she left her number and a pop tart on the counter. When she got home she saw that the pop tart was gone but her number was still there. Pats a legend.

Scorey

Additional Comments (click on any to enlarge):

 
Legendary. The only way to describe this machine of meat.

We conclude with the most credible story of Pat the Bat involving him being able to get his U. and future SF teammate Aubrey Huff out of his shell. Is important because it validates that everything mentioned already either could have, or most likely did happen:

Excerpts from The San Jose Mercury News (h/t @Thon610):

“I was a painfully shy kid,” Aubrey Huff said, stopping as he sensed disbelief. “No, really, I was.”…

…So who brought him out of his shell?

“That guy,” Huff said, pointing across the Giants clubhouse to Pat Burrell, his one-time teammate at the University of Miami.

“When I transferred, the first guy I met was that son of a “…” Huff said. “I hadn’t met such an arrogant (jerk) in my life. I couldn’t stand him. All he did was rag on me.”

You knew Huff’s next story about Burrell would be good. He prefaced it by saying, “Awww, I’m sure Pat won’t care if I tell this.”

“After two weeks at Miami, I wanted to go home,” Huff said. “So my mom flies out, trying to convince me to stay. I was living with two seniors, and they ragged me, too. I just didn’t understand all this baseball ragging nonsense. She’s in my room one night and I’m sitting on my bed and she’s telling me to give it another two weeks.

“Anyway, there’s a knock on the door, and before I can even get off the bed, Pat comes barging in with a six-pack in his hand, dripping wet, buck naked.

“So I jumped up and shut the door. Coming from Texas, these things didn’t happen. I said, ‘See what I’m dealing with here, Mom?’

“She just started laughing and said, ‘Actually, Aubrey, that’s pretty darn funny.’

“I thought, ‘My God, if my mom can laugh at this, why can’t I?'”…

As the details of Huff’s story were recited back to him recently, Burrell just closed his eyes and nodded.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much how it happened,” he said. “I was looking for the shampoo. There wasn’t any in the shower. Obviously, I didn’t know his mom was in there.”

Long pause.

“I don’t know how the six-pack got in my hands.”

LEGEND.