The Patriots Sign Corey Coleman

Classic Bill Belichick. Just classic. The Hooded One is still out there, writing new songs and touring for his current album, but isn’t afraid to play the old familiar numbers. The ones that made him a rock star. And to be sure, taking chances on the old talented-but-troubled player who is too toxic of other teams are some of his greatest hits. Signing Corey Coleman might not be getting say, Corey Dillon or Randy Moss, but it’s the scaled-down acoustic version of those solid platinum moves.

Corey Coleman, in case you somehow missed it, was the breakout star of the early episodes of Hard Knocks. That is, before Bob Wylie came along and stole the show so badly he deserves his own spinoff series.  Like a fat, profane, old school football guy version of Fraiser. Before that, Coleman owned it. Thanks in large part to his shoe collection. But even more so for his utterly clueless, tone deaf performance walking into Hue Jackson’s offense demanding that, if they were going to demote him to the 2nd unit, they ought to just trade him:

That was one of my Top 10 favorite Hard Knocks moments ever. Made even better by the knowledge that immediately traded him right afterward. For a 7th rounder. In 2020. Leaving his teammates dumbfounded (skip to the 1:15 mark):

And now, just a couple of weeks later, the wideout the Browns packaged picks for to move up and take him with the 15th overall pick in 2016 comes to the Patriots for the low, low price of … nothing. Like I said, classic Belichick. Pulling the trigger on a deal with unlimited potential and absolutely zero downside. If Coleman comes here and buys in, works hard and learns the offense, he can become Randy Lite. If not, he can be on the next plane to Saskatchewan and the Patriots aren’t out a damned thing. Belichick will kill his career and then go home and sleep like a baby.

Let’s be clear, the odds of Coleman making it here are the opposite of my penis: Long and slim. Maybe like Dillon and Moss, his problems can be directly attributed to the shitshow Dysfunctional Family Circus he was playing for. But if I was a betting man, I’d put my money on him not panning out. His 56 catches and three teams in three years don’t have be wetting myself with confidence And show me a guy who’s done nothing with his career bitching at Todd Haley for actually coaching him like it’s Haley’s job or something, and I’ll show you a guy who’ll never amount to anything and be right 999 times out of a thousand. But he’s that one in a thousand, the Patriots just found a winning Powerball ticket lying on the ground.

Granted, not all these guys the Patriots bring in to live on their Island of Misfit Toys work out. Albert Haynesworth came to New England and was at his Albert Haynesworthiest. Ochocinco did nothing. Michael Floyd threw one great block and not much else. But either way, if Coleman resurrects his career of failure here or is released the second Julian Edelman comes back from suspension, there is no negative to this and all the upside in the universe. Classic Belichick.