Draymond Green Went On Instagram To Tell Everyone The Stories About Tristan Thompson Punching Him In The Face At An ESPYs Afterparty Are Bullshit

I have to admit that when I saw the story of Tristan Thompson punching/sucker-punching/face mushing Draymond Green the other day, something seemed off. Everything we know about Draymond Green says he doesn’t let things go. It doesn’t matter if it’s a dude hitting him in the face at a club or a grudge against a guy he had to battle during the last 4 NBA Finals.

But this retort on Instagram is much more Draymond’s speed. Without naming names or reports, he goes with the Vincent Laguardia Gambini defense.

If there was a story about Tristan Thompson punching Draymond in the face followed by Draymond later punching/kicking/biting Tristan’s balls, I would believe it. But a dude that wears a parade shirt mocking a team his superteam just beat 4-1 despite the losing team being more top-heavy than Thanos’ squad in Infinity War clearly doesn’t let getting punched in the face slide.

Speaking of parades, the parade Draymond was referring to was this one that Cleveland fans were apparently going to throw for Tristan.

Before you say there is no way Cleveland fans would actually throw a parade for that, I must remind you they threw a parade for the Browns going 0-16 last year.

Clevelanders were able to finally experience that sweet sweet taste of victory parades (and horse poop) after the Warriors blew a 3-1 lead, and now they must have it every year like a fiend. Draymond said “NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND” before turning back into Troll Draymond and telling them to cue the duckboats because the Cavs are about to enter basketball purgatory again until the NBA rigs the lottery for LeBron James Jr. to save Cleveland.

Before letting us know that this all wasn’t his call but instead Mama Green’s.

Even though Draymond’s mom loves mixing it up as much as he does, I’m not buying this was all her idea. Then again, Draymond didn’t throw a quick flash of a pic of his pegleg dick like that Fight Club scene tells me maybe it wasn’t his call. Because that’s something the Troll Gawd would definitely do in an Instagram Story he knew would be watched by millions of people.