The Virginia Politician Who Wants To Bang Bigfoot Is A Fascinating Creature

NY Post- Democrat Leslie Cockburn, the mother of actress Olivia Wilde, posted on Twitter Sunday screenshots from Republican Denver Riggleman’s Instagram account depicting a Bigfoot creature with a “censored” bar covering its genitals.

Cockburn’s campaign manager referenced the Facebook page and the political report to take a shot at Riggleman.

“Leslie has been traveling throughout the district meeting with real people about real issues that matter to them,” Louise Bruce said in a statement to the Daily Progress, a newspaper in Charlottesville, Va. “Meanwhile, Mr. Riggleman is home scrubbing his social media of ‘Bigfoot erotica’ and who knows what else.”

Kate blogged this earlier, but I wanted to offer my thoughts. This is one of the best stories we’ve seen in recent memory, and it involves three principle characters. Her name is Cockburn. She was born to roast the dicks off her political opponents. His name is Denver Riggleman. Of course he likes high-altitude mythical creature porn. And finally, Bigfoot. Scientifically speaking, men (or creatures) with big feet tend to have big cocks. Big cocks are fundamental to a career in porn. In terms of the appendage chart of mythical creatures, Big Foot stands at the top, hands on hips, letting his enormous wooly cock dangle over the faces of Centaur, Unicorn, and Gryffin. Centaur is probably #2. I googled Centaur Penis and here’s the best image I could find to illustrate that point. Homophobic centaurphobes beware…

Screen Shot 2018-07-30 at 12.43.21 PM

Denver Riggleman will pretend that this was all a joke that he and his Air Force buddies put together. A little “locker room/forest realm banter.” But Bigfoot fans know that the moment you write a book called “Mating Habits of Bigfoot and Why Women Want Him,” you become more than a casual believer. My guess is that Denver has not only spotted Bigfoot in the wild, he’s studied his mating habits. In a camo tent. Under a sleeping bag. Thrusting away.

I guess the voters have a choice. You can get behind the safe, policy-centric Leslie Cockburn (mother of Olivia Wilde btw, wowza!) Or you can take a chance with a man who longs for a creature that may or may not exist.

Or you can focus on the bigger picture:

Hey guys? Did anyone find out about the politician with the bigfoot fetish and think… now there’s my guy! No. Nobody heard this and “liked him more.” Nobody forgot about his ties to a white supremacist. Everyone read about the white supremacy thing and the bigfoot thing and thought, yes, those two go hand-in-hand. Peanut butter and Jelly, K-Ci and Jojo, racism and bigfoot porn. Don’t try to make my Bigfoot porn story about race, David Hines.