Does This Look Like The Face Of A Couple That Was Allegedly On Bath Salts And Started Shooting Guns At Lightning Bugs Because They Thought They Were Alien Lasers?
(Source)- A man and a woman from Mill Hall — suspected of being on bath salts — were taken into custody after police say they terrorized residents of Mill Hall on Saturday. Jesse Shields, 30, and Katherine McCloskey, 22, are facing charges for their actions while they were on a “bad trip” under the influence of suspected bath salts, state police at Lamar said.
Shields and McCloskey thought that “fire flies” in the sky were green lasers coming from aliens or people who were after them, Wright wrote. Shields discharged a .357-magnum into the air thinking it would “scare the lasers (fire flies) away, police said.
Shields faces charges of burglary, criminal trespassing, possession of a firearm without a license, possesion of a controlled substance, drug paraphernalia, recklessly endangering another person for discharging the firearm into the air, two counts of criminal mischief, public intoxication, and disorderly conduct. McCloskey was charged with burglary, criminal trespassing, driving under the influence of a controlled substance, public intoxication, and disorderly conduct.
USA! USA! USA!!! What a story to take place the same week as the 4th of July. The only way all of that could possibly be more American is if those two tweakers were riding on the back of a giant bald eagle during their assault on those fire flies. I don’t know what the law in Pennsylvania is for shooting guns at the sky because you were high off your dick on bath salts (upset of the century this didn’t take place in Florida by the way). But I think you have to give these two crazy kids that *allegedly* love dipping into bath salts a little bit of leniency here. Are we actually sure that fire flies aren’t just bugs that escaped from an alien ship once upon a time? No creature that lives amongst us lights up with that freaky green color. Those kind of weird beasts usually live under the deepest depths of the ocean only to be seen during a Planet Earth episode. I saw my first lightning bug (or fire fly, please don’t turn this into another goddamn regional “What do you call them” thing) of the season the other night and it still blew my mind. And I’m a 36-year-old man that has seen them his whole life and was completely sober at the time because my kids have sucked fun out of my life. If I was tripping balls off of bath salts, I would 1000000% think there were aliens shooting lasers at me. I think if you snitch on yourself multiple times, you should be absolved from any wrongdoing.
Advertisement
McCloskey and Shields then ran to a nearby residence, where the homeowner met them at the door. Shields asked the homeowner to call the police because something was chasing them, according Trooper Wright. The homeowner called 911, and while on the phone, Shields allegedly broke the window to the screen door before leaving the residence with McCloskey. Shields and McCloskey then went to another nearby house, breaking a front window of the screen door to enter the residence, where they were met by the homeowners, police allege. Again, Shields asked the homeowners to call 911. The homeowner was able to get the gun from Shields without incident while his wife called 911, police said.
I said this the other day, but I think you can tell a lot about a person by the way they treated lightning bugs when they were kids. If you caught and released them, you were a curious, gentle soul. If you trapped them in a jar and forgot to put holes in the lid, which led to one of the most agonizing deaths possible for a creature, you were a curious but maybe not so gentle soul. If you YABOd them with a wiffle ball bat or squished them with your shoes just so you could smear that magic lightning juice, you likely had a screw loose and probably started reading Barstool at a younger age than the rest of your friends. And if you did other stuff to lightning bugs, well I think you can draw your own conclusions.
h/t Jeff