Live EventLive from the gambling cave with the Pardon My Take crew to watch Thursday Night FootballStarting Soon

You’ll No Longer Wonder Where Joaquin Mustered The Inspiration To Play Such A Sick Fuck

Twisted history produced by John Kelly, researched by Saint Anne

From the notes ...

River Phoenix: Died October 31, 1993

Phoenix, an actor who received acclaim for his roles in such films as Stand By Me and Running On Empty, was partying at The Viper Room club on Los Angeles' Sunset Strip when he collapsed on the sidewalk out front and began convulsing. He died at the scene, from an overdose of heroin and cocaine. He was 23. Actor Johnny Depp, who owned The Viper Room at the time, closed the club every year on Halloween until selling his share in 2004.

I did some poking around on the Phoenix clan after the Joker came out, because I thought Joaquin was one of those few actors who seems legitimately creepy, or just off, quirky, off-putting, bizarre, offbeat, odd, curious, absurd, unorthodox, and unconventional, like Andy Kaufman or Crispin Glover. I think Jim Carrey tries to seem like this, but he’s just an immensely talented asshole.

Here’s what I came up with ...Joaquin Phoenix's parents were members of a cult where brainwashed adults slept with kids, and women used sex to lure in new male members. The Children Of God viewed sex in general as the most glorious way to praise Jesus and members were instructed to share their husbands and wives. Children as young as three were encouraged to 'play' sexually with their parents and other adults. But, the even greater emphasis was put on the children stimulating each other. They could pair off for sexual exploration at night, after prayers but before bed.

So, The Joker's eldest brother, the aforementioned River, was just four when he had sex within the confines of this cultish prison. FOUR ...

Outside of the pedophilia, the cult did not believe in members wasting time working regular jobs, so Joaquin's family were basically paupers begging on the street for change while living in a rat-infested slum that had no toilet.

When Joaquin was four his family quit the cult, stowing away on a ship from Venezuela to America and changing their surname from "Bottom" to "Phoenix" to symbolize their new start AND to abandon a terrible last name like “Bottom”.

So, if you go back and watch The Joker this weekend with all this newfound knowledge, you’ll no longer wonder where Joaquin mustered the inspiration to play such a sick fuck. Joaquin was a 4-year-old boy in South America with a fucked up lip begging for change to bring home to his rat-infested toilet-less hovel while his brother had sex with other children.

More Twisted History: