WSD Challenge #1: Some Slapdick From Naperville Said He'd Sit Me Down In 3 Pitches
So a few weeks back Dan “Big Cat” Katz and the Barstool Chicago crew had a call and he proposed a segment: The White Sox Dave Challenge.
Basically the whole premise is random people challenge me to do dumb shit, take part in athletic competitions against them, food eating challenges, etc.
Well Big Cat proposed the first challenge. I had to complete the Bears training camp conditioning test after eating an Italian beef, a cake shake and a hot dog from Portillo’s. The conditioning test was this:
4×4 65 yard sprints. I had to complete each sprint in under 10 seconds, walk/job back to the starting line in under 30 seconds and do it again. In between every set of 4 sprints I got 90 seconds of rest.
Well…. yeah that didn’t go well. A. because it was fucking hard and I’m a disgusting fat coke can and B. because our camera’s SD card malfunctioned.
But we got a new camera guy now. Shout out Matt Pollack. And this week is the officially official start of the WSD challenge. And some pencil dick idiot from Naperville thought he could gas me up.
He sent me this DM:
and left a voicemail on our Red Line Radio inbox saying the exact same thing. I didn’t plan on responding to him until he showed his persistence in being able to gas me up. Having that much irrational confidence is something only I have, so I assumed he was could throw at least upper 70s, 80ish.
I hit him back and said “name the time and place”. He chose Knoch Park in Naperville which is where the Naperville Central freshman baseball team plays their home games. I was up for it because I could parlay a trip 30 miles west into seeing my dog at my dad’s house. The rest of the Chicago crew refuses to move 10 feet for anything so they weren’t.
So Monday night comes along. I have a challenger and a field at this point. Now I need a catcher. I send out the bat signal and get like 6-7 responses. I vet them all, but this one was the guy who ended up winning:
fucking pppppperfect. A real, live catcher who works with pro clubs. Love it. He also tells me this:
Whatever, let’s roll with it. So we are all squared away to meet at UIC at 12pm on Wednesday.
Now mind you, while I was setting up a location and nobody wanted to go out to Naperville I said “we’ll meet in the middle in Oak Park and get Johnnie’s” but Carl said “let’s just go to UIC”. Then when we got booted off UIC it was Carl’s idea to walk to St, Ignatius Prep to use their field. I played at that field in HS and thought it was a great idea. But THEN Carl decided he wanted to try out these softball fields.
That’s where the contention was. I knew exactly which softball fields he was talking about and didn’t want to do that because there was no mound or anything. I wanted the visuals of a mound and a diamond for the video. So I put the nix on that and we walked over to the Ignatius field and… under construction. Softball fields it is.
Carl’s idea. We walk up and he goes “okay we gotta make this quick” knowing FULLY that we were also trespassing there. We get in, get out and as soon as we hit “stop” on the camera we got kicked off of those fields too. But Carl will never ever admit that because it was his call we use those fields.
Oh, and we didn’t have a bat. The catcher said he’d bring one but forgot it in his car. My fault? You tell me:
No matter how much Carl likes to beat his dick to making me look bad, the fields debacle wasn’t completely my fault. I don’t know how many times I had to tell him that if he didn’t want to be there then he should just go home because all he did was bitch, bitch and bitch some more. Him and Chief both, actually. Just bitch non stop.
At the end of the day the bullpen catcher threw to me just for shits. He was 83ish, nothing I’ve seen in 8+ years and no, he didn’t make me swing and miss either.
Nevertheless. Step right up if you want a piece of me. I don’t want to do athletic challenges for hardly any of these. This one just came naturally. 99% of you would smoke me 1 on 1 in hoops or truck stick me with football equipment on so that wouldn’t make it fun. I’m thinking blazing hot wing challenges at B Dubs and shit like that.
PS – I’m 100% positive I’m the only person to gain 20 pounds of fat while simultaneously training for a marathon. Holy shit am I disgusting in this video
PPS – about the chaining/river just be on standby…
PPPS – link to the dog walk episodes that breaks down the entire saga:
