Youtube TITAN Logan Paul came through Barstool HQ to Answer The Internet. We just cycled in a new crop of ATI questions to see if Logan and his 20 million subscribers could take down Abella Danger's new Answer The Internet Record of 4.1 million views. We got questions about punching your grandma, cumming to Smash Mouth, genocide, false murder accusations, mascot sex, Black Widows, magical ogres and more. Its gonna take a Herculean effort to take down Abella, but if anybody is gonna do it, its gonna be Logan Paul with his following and these new hypotheticals.
I know Barstool and Stoolies arent engrained in the Youtube world as much as they are in Twitter or Instagram. But Logan Paul is one of the most successful people on the internet. Hes fucking rich and dominates the Youtube platform. As we try to crack that 100,000 subscriber mark and plant our flag in the Youtube world, collaborating with Logan like this is a very big deal. I think Stoolies only know a handful of things about him and havent watched any of his content, and so a lot of you might be skeptical. I like that about our fan base - the bar is set very high to get your seal of approval. But after doing almost an hour on the podcast with him and watching him play along and dive into the ATI questions, he for sure has our co-sign. What we do best here at Barstool is sit down with people, have a normal, in depth conversation with them, and give them the opportunity to show the world that they are regular, cool people. Thats exactly what Logan did. I shouldnt say he showed he was "regular," because he most certainly isnt regular. Hes a 24 year old millionaire with a wild personality and a loud persona. I can understand if that rubs some people the wrong way, sure. But aside from that I learned that Logan is way more likable, and somehow relatable, than the headlines or internet reputations might say. You know how every crew of friends has the one guy who is the charged up, bombastic, outrageous clown of the group? Thats Logan. Every friend group has one, he just happens to be the most successful one on the internet.
As for the question itself, my grandma is dead. Big dead. Dead as fuck. Been dead for a minute. So its hard for me to think about punching her in the face. Last time I saw her, I was 18. 18 year old me unloading on Gram's face is way different than 34 year old me. You know? Also 18 year old me's "Dream Girl" and 34 year old me's "Dream Girl" are quite different. When I was 18 my Dream Girl was Janine from Valley Forge Middle School. Now, my current dream girl is Kristina Schulman from the Bachelor. I think 18 yr old me would have been reckless and shortsighted enough to one-punch Nana in order just to get to hold hands with Janine. Thats all I ever wanted, dating back to 5th grade. But 34 yr old me is more savvy than that. 34 year old me realizes that if I knocked out my grandma in order to land Kristina, that would end up backfiring. Kristina would hate me for beating the shit out of my grandma. My Grandma would be almost 90 by now, a one punch might actually kill her. You think Kristina wants that blood on her hands? For sure not. So you gotta think long term here. Sure, you "get" your dream girl but at what cost? I think the wiser move would be to not knockout your grandma, and instead be cute with her and use that grandson-grandmother relationship to show off your sensitive side. That way you land your dream girl and you keep her for the long haul.
Now, if we are assuming that its magic and that your girl is just struck by Cupid, falls completely in love with you, and doesnt ask questions or have any knowledge about you knocking grammy the fuck out? Well then close your eyes, Grandma. SHORYUKEN!
Just make sure you relax, Gram. If you tense up, its gonna do way more damage. Its like catching a football. Soft, relaxed hands are gonna make that catch. If you're stiff its gonna smash off you and hurt. Loose neck, eyes closed, dont die. Let me knock your block off so your favorite grandchild can go home happy. Dont be selfish, Nana.