Wiffle My Balls

Tuesday night was a slugfest in Indianapolis, as my baseball team “Wiffle My Balls”(0-9) played against “Indy 8 Balls”(6-3). This was my first year as the captain of the titanic ship, as my team is now 0-12 after losing all 3 games Tuesday night. I try not to tell people I play wiffle ball, but my team is so bad, it gives me something to talk about. It’s is a very fun sport, and Indy Southside Wiffle Ball is the league to join.

Their field is played behind a backyard, fully equipped with LED lighting, grass, and my personal favorite feature, the piss crate. You just stand on top of a crate, and piss on the wall. It’s pretty neat!

There is also a tree dedicated to Gregg Doyle, who I know Dave hates. I tried to hit one at Greggs face, but unfortunately I couldn’t hit that far due to my strength.

You might as well call us the Benchwarmers with how odd we all look together. Here is our official team roster:

Kyan: 14 years old. It hurts me to say that Kyan is our best player. I say this because he leads the team in home runs (1). I compare him to Michael Cera once in a while. He is also the only kid I have ever seen wear a clean pair of Jordans to a muddy baseball field. He said he got hem at Payless for $15. Im not buying it.

Jeremy: 14 years old. Another 14 year old on my team. We call him “the big fella”. The kid has never missed a meal or game this season, and we appreciate that.

Ted: 16 years old. We signed Ted halfway through the season over a GroupMe chat, which was very convenient. “Teddy Brosevelt” as I call him has everything the ladies like: muscles, a man bun, and a plain white t. He also has a booboo above his right eyebrow. Just another reason why the chicks dig him.

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Andrew: 25 years old. We also signed him last week. Probably the best pop fly catcher we have. Other than that, theres nothing really interesting about him, just another white guy.

We finished 0-12 and were crowned the worst team in the league. We had a total of 6 runs this season. Just like the Browns, we lose and have fun. If you don’t believe how bad we are, just watch the film.

By the way, I had a hell of a game that night.

@YoungMantis2

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