I gotta hand it to her, she's really living a life of 'badassery' if she's willing to out herself from a completely generic Bumble profile description. There's only 4 million women living in New Jersey, half of which are probably married or in a relationship, so it was only a matter of time before NOBODY FOUND HER. Only a true badass would do such a thing.
It did occur to me that this could be a fake account, but it made me chuckle none the less. To answer her questions:
"Thanks for the notoriety, set me up with Chuck!" (Chuck is who is actually using Bumble, and sent this in)
You're welcome, but Chuck's an asshole. That's why he swiped right on you just to make fun of you, and then unmatched you, just so he could send this into the podcast.
"It's not a Mercedez, it's an Alfa Romeo! And no tickets, I have a gold card"
Oh, It's an Alfa Romeo? AND you have a gold card? Dam, humble brag, NBD. It's actually spelled Mercedes, but in fairness, you don't own one, so how could you know?
"I don't use designer bags"
"I'm a specialty pharmaceutical sales rep and I do quite well"
Good for you. But this is my favorite:
"Why would I post about my personal life on social media?"
I don't know, why would you?
Also, this horny ass egg chimed in:
"Bruh," - you definitely don't know her