Florida Man Botches the Castration Job of the Guy Met on a Eunuch Fetish Site
Source – A 74-year-old Florida man has been arrested for castrating another man he met on an online fetish site for eunuchs, according to police.
Gary Van Ryswyk, who doesn’t have a license to practice medicine, allegedly performed the botched procedure Sunday around 10pm, a week after he met the 53-year-old man on eunuch.com, a website for people who have a castration fetish.
Deputies from the Highlands County Sheriff’s Office said they responded to a home in Sebring after dispatch received a 911 hang-up. …
Van Ryswyk then escorted the officer to a room where the victim, who is from Tampa, was bleeding heavily with a towel over his groin.
Near the bed, the deputy found a pink container that was holding the man’s testicles. …
He is currently listed in stable condition. …
‘There was also a camera set up to record the procedure,’ the deputy said.
I suppose the obviously cliche anytime a guy from Tampa goes online to find someone interested in cutting his dong off is to immediately say “Florida Man.” But truth be told, this is a lot even for God’s On Deck Circle. This is some real Dreadfort shit.
I mean, even by Florida standards, this is a tad extreme. I know we live in a time where it’s not right to judge others. Where it’s a man’s right to do what he wants to do with his body. And if some politician tries to curb those rights, fellas will take to the streets in Pecker Hats carrying signs that say, “Take Your Hands Off My Scrotal Sack” or something. So while I want to be on the right side of history here and support a man’s right to meet another man for the purposes of surgically removing his balls and putting them in a coffee mug, I just want everyone on eunuch.com to be careful.
If you’re going to carry out that castration fetish, go to the best. Be safe. Try a professional. Someone licensed and experienced on more than just farm animals. We don’t want any more back alley castrations. And if you don’t have access to quality eunuch medical care, at least go to someone you know. Someone you trust. Who cares about you getting nothing but the very best. Not just some medieval barber hack like Gary Van Ryswyk.
I know if I ever decide to go full castrati, lets say I want to get back my golden soprano voice that made Mrs. Bresnahan choose me for the Boys Chorus in 2nd grade at Ralph Talbot Elementary, I wouldn’t just go to some amateur I met online. I’d take my time. Search the Yelp reviews. And find some 5-star who’ll have me looking like a Ken doll down there and not some half eaten Baconator.
So, lesson learned. I hope all you Stoolies who are on eunuch.com looking for the right castration fetishist to partner up with take this to heart and choose the right one.