Full Replay | The Dozen Live Championship from ChicagoWATCH NOW

Apparently Biting Your Kids Is Actually Bad

I am not going to lie, this week’s Podfathers got a little bit hairy. First we kicked things off with some lice talk. For those of you that don’t have kids or do but don’t have them in daycare or school, kids get sick when they are around each other. A lot. They are a bunch of little Outbreak monkeys and those schools/daycares are their Petri dishes. Seeing this at my school gave me a full blown panic attack.

The entire ride home I was itching and scratching. When I called my wife at work to let her know the bad news, she immediately started itching and scratching herself too. We recorded this podcast later that week and Chaps broke down what it’s like having lice since he was poor growing up went to a school where lice broke out all the time. After talking to him, I felt like even if Siena got lice (which thankfully she didn’t), I would be covered.

However, when I went back to the school a few days later, the list was updated. And it was bad. Real bad.

What the FUCK is going on in Infant B? It’s like a prequel to the Walking Dead. Just a bunch of infected zombie infants biting each other and pooping on each others pillows. A real fucking disaster. Luckily no infestations made their way to the Casa de Clem (yet at least). But that’s probably because Siena is waiting until the next holiday to get sick.

But the reason you clicked on this blog is because you wanted to hear why biting your kids is actually bad. Well don’t ask me, because I am on the record for biting my kid. Again, it was not a hard bite or even a real bite. But just a baby bite to let my daughter know that biting was bad. I was a relatively new parent at the time and I thought I did the right thing, since she hasn’t bit anyone since. When Chaps heard this, he just shook his head at my n00b parenting ass and let me know that I was wrong. He also shot me a glance of disappointment that I will never forget. You think it’s bad when your parents are mad at you? Try having a Marine with both a Purple Heart AND a Heart of Gold get upset at you. But Chaps knows that playas fuck up and I learned a valuable lesson: Biting your kids is bad. Telling your kids not to bite in a stern fashion is good.

Chaps and I also discussed how we want to beat the hell out of a 12-year-old kid. Granted it’s because that kid is bullying McCartney. But the point still stands. You mess with McCartney, you better be prepared to go in the Thunderdome. Or at least have two podcasters talk shit about it.

Anyway, put aside your responsibilities for the day and listen to two washed up idiots complain about their responsibilties on The Podfathers.

P.S. As I reread that blog, I realized I made a perfect dad joke pun with by talking about how things got hairy when talking about lice. My brain is officially a Dad Brain for good.