Big time call on KFC Radio today as a young lady informed us that she recently received a written check in the mail from her ex-boyfriend with a note that he was sorry about how everything went down and he wanted to do something nice. What exactly “went down”? Great question, he fucked a 17 year old. So, how much does it cost to buy yourself out of a sticky statutory rape situation? What’s your best guess?
Nope, keep going lower.
80 dollars is the answer.
Now, take away the statutory rape business from this and I’m all in on this idea. Everyone has a price for everything in the world, money is the greatest healer that’s ever existed. It fixes everything from cars to hunger to broken hearts. You name the gaping hole in your life and money will plug it, even a bullet wound.
It works for both sides of the breakup too. Do the dumping and feel bad about wasting time from someone’s life? Throw cash at the problem. Get dumped and feeling down? Accept cash to cure the problem. There are no losers when free money is handed out.
However, it’s gotta be more than 80 dollars. Don’t get me wrong, I’d cash that check because all you need to do in the year 2017 is take a picture of that piece of paper and it’s in your bank account but I wouldn’t go to the bank and deposit a check for 80 dollars. That errand is worth way more. But get up to mid three figures and I’ll happily say we’re good and agree to “still be friends” or whatever bullshit you want. You don’t think you can buy my friendship? You can. You can buy my blood, you can buy my semen, you can buy my friendship, and you can buy my soul. Absolutely every part of me is for sale at all times, it just costs a bit more than eighty bucks.