Because that’s what one caller did on KFC Radio this week. Now, rumors are swirling that this is fairly common practice in the armed forces but I am not an expert on man marriage so it still seems like quite an undertaking if you ask me, and for that reason I’m out.
Don’t go getting that twisted with homophobia because that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ll marry a dude right now and not even bat an eye. You wanna get dude married? Let’s fucking do it. But you’ve gotta sweeten the pot for me.
Fifteen hundred a month just isn’t going to get my engine revving. The quandary the caller found himself in was that he’s now in love with a girl and she doesn’t know that she’s married to a man, but I think that’s foolish. Any girl who’s a keeper is going to immediately recognize the benefits of your classic “married my best friend for the money” situation, don’t even give that one another thought.
No, the problem for me lies in the leg work. It’s just a whole thing to marry your pal, you know? Got paperwork to fill out, gotta go to the courthouse one day, eventually gonna have to get divorced. I’m just guessing here but all that takes like a combined 5 years in my mind. That is a LOT of errands for $1,500 a month. Our expense reports take about three minutes and I still haven’t done mine since February so if my hot piece of ass friend thinks I’m putting in the effort to get married for 18 grand a year then he’s got another thing coming.
I operate in lump sums. You wanna marry me, bro? 100k up front. Don’t tell me how much I’ll make in monthly installments, that means nothing to me. I don’t even know if I’ll be alive tomorrow. But I’ll do just about anything in the world for 100k so write that check and let’s do this.