Today on KFC Radio we debated the best celebrity Sex tapes of all time. As all our discussions are, the conversation was well-thought and handled with civility. The list…
This is a tough one, because looking back on it it’s probably the best sex tape ever. It took down Gawker and that’s the most I’ve ever cum in history. But, the debate centered around real-time viewing so it loses some serious points there. Because it’s Hulk Hogan. Old Hogan. Plus, the angle is just terrible. Very, very poor camera work. I don’t even remember seeing a titty or anything. For that reason, you are last.
Did I ever want to watch Chyna have sex? No. Never in my entire life, through all my wrestling fan years/months did I see that monstrous woman and think, “Wonder how she sucks a dick?” But, I’m also of the belief that if someone’s having sex then I want to watch. Don’t care who it is, if you’re a notable person then I’d like to take a peek. Chyna was, in fact, a person and no amount of steroids changed that. Plus, if you’re a celebrity doing butt stuff then I really, really want to see.
Honestly, I want to put the Chyna one ahead of this one, that’s how bad it stunk. But, you know, Paris is more attractive than Chyna so I came to this one. If you cum to a sex tape then it goes ahead of one you didn’t cum to, those are the rules.
Paris’ attractiveness doesn’t change the fact that this tape STUNK though. Stunk right out loud. Paris Hilton gives a BJ exactly how you expect her to give a BJ, like a penis is a cup of tea she’s taking dainty sips of, and she might as well be a blow-up doll with the enthusiasm and passion she brings to a romp. This tape was so bad that it made me, an ugly nobody, decide that even if given the opportunity I would turn down sex with Paris.
Pam Anderson basically ushered me through puberty with this one. I remember downloading clips of it on Kazaa and Limewire, hiding this apps on days I thought I found the full video so it could download for hours while I was at school or asleep. It was a masterpiece. To show you how fluid this list is, even as I write this I’m strongly considering giving Pam the top spot. This was THE video. Pam was pre-Hep, Tommy had a huge dick, there was road head, boat sex, cowgirl, that cute little “I’m embarrassed to show my vagina” move she pulled on the boat. All of that is etched into my memory forever. It’s a classic that probably deserves the number one spot, but alas, it goes to…
The fuck vid that launched not only a career, but an enterprise.
Even though that enterprise may eventually bring this world crumbling to its knees, this video was fucking awesome. You cannot deny that. Whatever Kim has become, at one point she was a gal willing to film herself having some damn good sex in order to achieve fame. You can’t deny the hunger that seeps through this video. She earned the fuck out of this top spot.