Everyone always talks about how Valentines Day is a scam and a gimmick created by women and greeting card companies to get gifts and make money. And that’s true. It’s a made up thing that requires guys to buy a gift and/or plan a dinner. And that seems to piss a lot of dudes off, but that’s the best part about Valentine’s Day for guys. It’s a universally agreed upon day that that requires every man to do all that annoying shit at the same time.
Think about if Valentines Day didn’t exist. At any given moment in the winter your girl might pull the “I need attention!” card. So now, one random night when all the guys are hanging out, watching the game, getting some beers, all of a sudden you gotta go do Shmoopie Shmoopie time with your lady. You gotta be the pussy who has to tell the guys no, because your pain in the ass girlfriend wants dinner and some jewelry. They bust your balls, you miss out on a good time, and it’s all a disaster.
But with Valentines Day, everything is prearranged and agreed upon. Men everywhere agree to be pussies and get taken advantage of all on the same night. We’ll get it all out of the way, pretend it didnt happen, and then tomorrow we all start with a new record, fresh out of the doghouse. February 15th should be a day for guys where they get left alone because they finally are back to full strength in the relationship after buying their way out of the doghouse. Its like NBA Jam when youre limping around and then your turbo is finally refilled. BOOMSHAKALAKA!