Assemble Your #HungerTeam - 1 TV Character, 1 Movie Character, 1 Video Game Character As Your Hunger Game Team - KFC Radio Ep. 181
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Great question provided by Clem this week for KFC Radio. Create a 4 person Hunger Games Team using 1 character from TV, movies, and video games. Theres a lot of different ways you can go, and none are necessarily wrong. But I’m gonna list out some of the best picks for each category
TV
MacGuyver – An air tight choice here. The most resourceful motherfucker in the world. Drop him in the woods he’ll probably build you a nuclear bomb somehow. Only problem is hes too non-violent. Kind of a pussy.
The Smoke Monster – An dark, unstoppable, amorphous smoke monster? Yea. Wouldnt mind having him on my team. Only problem is controlling that thing. You gotta keep that on a Ben Linus type leash.
Darryl Dixon – One of the most resilient men ever in this setting. Familiar with primitive weapons like crossbows (Assuming he has unlimited arrows of course) Only drawback is his surly attitude and loner mentality. He’ll abandon the team with a quickness.
Jack Bauer – Very, very few drawbacks here. The only problem is you can only have 1 TV character and to get the full Jack Bauer experience you also need Chloe. If you could sub out one other character and take the Jack Chloe duo, you’d win in a heartbeat.
The Mountain – Not the most fleet of foot, but an unstoppable giant of death. Living or undead, Mountain is a powerful ally to have.
Dwight Schrute – Relentless. Jackhammer. Alphamale.
Ragnar Lothbrok – A new age pick that many of you might not know, but a Viking killing machine with confidence and swagger out of his asshole. His only draw back is his hubris.
Eleven from Stranger Things – Mind control and a whole lot of psychological issues from her upbringing in captivity as a science experiment
Movie
T-1000 – A shapeshifting liquid metal assassin from the future that can only be killed by being melted in lava. Tell me how the fuck you’re gonna stop that thing in the forest? You better hope they provide some liquid hot magma to fight with or you are fuccccked.
Bryan Mills – He has a very particular set of skills. He will find you. And he will kill you. Hes calm cool and collected. Always has a plan. Can track anyone down. Can kill anyone.
John Creasy – Creasy Bear! Creasy’s art is death, and hes about to paint his masterpiece. Only problem is – you gotta watch the booze.
William Wallace – While the Hunger Games is a high tech game of manhunt, at its core its primitive. William Wallace with a broad sword, a mace, a horse, and an insatiable urge for freedom is damn near impossible to stop. Any sort of new age wrinkles to the Hunger Games would be his downfall though.
Predator – Intergalactic bounty hunter with high tech weapons and the ability to camouflage himself in the jungle? Yea. That might be valuable.
Dutch from Predator – The dude who was able to defeat an intergalactic bounty hunter with high tech weapons and the ability to camouflage himself in the jungle? Yea. that might be valuable.
John Rambo – My personal choice. T-1000 might have the resume and the physical form. But Rambo basically was the Hunger Games. Primitive weapons. Ingenuity. Creative violence. Guerilla Warfare. And the human spirit of revenge and survival. Rambo is the pick.
Kevin McCallister – The master of booby traps. The most maniacal, selfish, downright disturbed child ever. Small in stature. Elusive. Slippery. Conniving. Only drawbacks – afraid of the basement. Probably would be scared in the jungle.
John McClane – Yippie Kay yay, motherfuckers
King Kong – A gorilla the size of the Empire State Building? Probably a good guy to have on your side. Only problem is there’s no hiding him. Might not even fit inside the dome.
Katniss Everdeen – Ummm, bitch has won the Hunger Games like 5 times. Shes the Jordan of Hunger Games. Should probably just roll with her.
Darth Vader – Dude has control of The Force and a light saber. No fleet of stormtroopers to do all his dirty work though.
Video Game
Snake from Metal Gear – Probably the first name on a lot of people’s minds. A legendary soldier from one of the longest running video game sagas. Cant think of any major negatives.
Bill Rizer/Lance Bean from Contra – Very well versed in fighting in the jungle and having useful tools floating out of the sky. If either of the guys from Contra get the Spread Gun its OVER.
Mega Man – When you think of Mega Man, you gotta think of all the bosses he defeats. Once he acquires their skills he becomes almost unstoppable. Ability to stop time, shooting giant saws, leaf shields, boomerangs, crash bombs. Fully equipped Mega Man is unstoppable. One draw back is that if he touches a spike of any sort, he bursts into a million flashing molecules.
Super Mario – The OG. If you want to cheat and make him the flying raccoon or give him Flower Power, fine. If he can somehow find a Super Star, forget about it. But remember until you find that first mushroom you’re just running around with a flaccid little chode.
Bowser – A big angry dragon turtle throwing hammers. Very slow, and not very discreet though
Blanca from Street Fighter – An electrical Brazilian monster. Very fast, very agile. The ability to generate electricity is invaluable. Obvious drawback is its tough to trust a mangled science experiment.
Link – One of the greatest swordsmen to grace NES. Find a few fairies and a few Hearts and he’s almost impossible to kill. Grappling hooks, boomerangs, Master Swords. Just tell him that Zelda pussy is waiting for him at the Capitol and he’ll carry your team.
Master Chief from Halo – I’m not a Halo guy but this dude seems like a good choice
Lara Croft – Basically the Original Katniss Everdeen. Fighting in the tombs and caves and the wilderness. Guns on her hips, polygon tits on her chest.
Choose wisely. Obviously there are a million more choices. Assemble your three person team and tweet them at me @kfcbarstool with the hashtag #HungerTeam