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Valentine's Day Gift Idea

If you're stuck on finding a gift for your significant other this Valentine's Day, may I suggest a Scold's Bridle...

Design Pics Inc. Shutterstock Images.

A Scold's Bridle (sometimes called a witch's bridle or a gossip's bridle) is an iron muzzle inside an iron framework that encloses the head. An attached bridle-bit was slid into the mouth and pressed down on top of the tongue as a compress.  It functioned to silence the wearer from speaking entirely and caused both pain and physiological trauma to scare and intimidate the wearer into submission. 

Design Pics Inc. Shutterstock Images.

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The contraption was popular in both the 16th and 17th centuries and was overwhelmingly used on women upon request from husbands or other family members, but I'd like to think that in our progressive society this could be given to a member of any gender… The only qualification the receiver requires is the need to be told to "shut-the-fuck up"… And I think you'll agree that our current society has an inordinate amount of people who fit that bill.

I'll give you an example: The cunt sitting two rows behind me in the movies last week.

If you have any candidates for this gift, feel free to drop them in the comments.

You can find Scold's Bridles on Amazon, any store that makes equipment for horses, or in your local sexual fetishist shop, and I think you'll find they are an affordable way to tell that special someone that you love them very much… Even though… Every now and again… They need to just shut their fucking mouths.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Take a report.

-Large