The last and final episode of Because We Got High is out now.
Bluntly - I did not want this show to end. I fought for it,
probably definitely too aggressively, in an annoying way, and tried to keep it going however we could. The listeners are fantastic and enthusiastic, both in person and on social media. The amount of girls and guys that came up to me on our big Barstool vs America tour, and on the Jersey Shore all summer, telling me how much they loved the show, made the Grinch's post-Christmas heart look small compared to how big mine grew after meeting so many people. I think the show is great. But really, nobody wanted it to end. Once we started the second season in the middle of the summer, life and other work responsibilities started to get in the way of making a good product. Considering I've always been really transparent about things in my "career" (my honesty about this is what finally brought me to Barstool) I have mixed feelings as the third chair who isn’t rocketing straight to the moon as we speak. Ria (and Fran, and of course Noah) worked their asses off and are the faces of Pop Culture, strolling down actual red carpets like they’ve done it all their lives. Based on Bri’s growth, if you’ve seen a single video from her tour, you know she’s going to be picking up the tab for Alex Cooper a year from now. My two co-hosts have had a year outside of this show that reads like a movie plot. And not for nothing, I did two reality TV shows in that time. It’s incredible and exciting, but it doesn’t always fare well for secondary projects. Most involved with Because We Got High have bigger fish to fry than this “weed” podcast where we aren’t even allowed to technically advertise weed (legalize it amiright lol.) Ending the show makes sense when there just isn’t enough bandwidth between us all.
I want to feel like it was a learning experience, like it’s something to be proud of, to remember all of the good times and none of the bad. I will eventually, because those things are absolutely true, but I’m not there yet. Right now, I'm falling into an old pattern, pulling the blame onto myself, and it feels like I failed at my first "big thing" at Barstool. I tried to work at the company for over 5 years before I got my contract. I would go on KFC Radio whenever they would have me, I would fill in on the Chicks’ radio show any chance I could get. A few times over the years, the opportunity came up for full time, and just as quickly the opportunities fizzled out. I thought I was doomed to die in fashion media, while I did solo Instagram lives about the Bachelor alone on my couch to fill the void of not being able to do anything truly creative. After I got hired to do Cutting Stems and to blog, this podcast was green-lit, and I finally felt like it was all falling into place. “It was always going to happen, it just needed to be the right time,” I would tell myself. I’ve been on cloud 9 for a year, waving the Because We Got High flag in as many faces as I could. It became much more important to me than I thought it would. Here I am now, almost exactly 1 year later, feeling incredibly deflated. I almost feel like a brat stomping my feet or something - why do I have to feel this way? Why don’t I have another unbelievable opportunity to focus on? Was it because I'm a nightmare to work with? Does everyone hate me? Is my job secure? Real, true worries that stem from YEARS of uncertainty in my career's past, all spilling over into my new perfect dream job. Just another reminder that things can go as quickly as they come. But this time, I can’t let the false negativity overwhelm me and hold me back.
I know that I’ll need to start focusing on the positives to move forward. It sounds so dramatic, but I woke up today, I still have a job, I still get to do a ton of the things I love most, as a career. Do I need to find a new, more concrete path for myself at this company? Absolutely. Can I do it? It's already in the works. I have so many things I want to do, and have the opportunity to do, I just need to have the patience and the diligence and keep it in motion. The scenario is different now - I’m not unemployed, I’m not going to lose my apartment, I don’t work in a place where management tries to keep you down for the sake of egos and power trips. I just stopped doing 1/3rd of the main things I do at work. I know I’m good at what I do, or I wouldn’t be here. This was a stepping stone that will bring me onto something I can be truly proud of for myself, like Ria and Bri have. Their successes can inspire me, and remind me that we all work under the same roof. It's always been a problem with women in the workplace, we're given the impression at a young age that there's only so much room at the top for us all. This isn't true. The girls have put a lot of work into their passions, and nothing is stopping me from continuing to do the same. Or who knows? Maybe I’ll gobble them all up like Kirby and become a Super Ultra High Bachelor Drunk Pop Mega Chick In The Office? Anything is possible.
Give our last show a listen. The YouTube version will be up tonight, maybe light up a joint and laugh with us on the big screen. But really, listen to all of them from the beginning - it’s much more fun to watch us all grow and change as much as we have. Not everyone can say they have 50 weeks worth of silly conversations with their friends documented. That’s something to feel really lucky about.