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Was This Mets Season From Hell All KFC's Fault?

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So we had our offseason preview episode on We Gotta Believe looking ahead to what GM, manager, and players Uncle Stevie should go after since the New York Mets are once again not playing in the playoffs. There are plenty of reasons this happened, namely the offense's comical shortcomings, Jacob deGrom's not at all comical injury, the occasional murderous managerial decision by former manager Luis Rojas, and the karmic fallout from multiple LOLMets moments.

When Uncle Stevie took over, I thought the cosmic hex that was placed on this franchise would be lifted as soon as the Wilpon name was wiped from the deed of the team. However we got a typical if not increased amount of embarrassing stories that caused Mets fans to hang their heads in shame yet again, this time after 103 straight days in first followed by a losing record. Jared Porter being outed as a creep. Zack Porter getting a DWI. A billion injuries. Unbelievable cold streaks from usually consistent hitters. Players literally fighting each other and figuratively fighting the fans. And so much more.

I wondered how this could all be possible. Did the Baseball Gods forsaken us despite this seismic shift in ownership that brought big market spending back to New York as well as the legendary Buckner ball? 

Then I remembered a promise that was made back in 2019 but never delivered upon during Pete Alonso's unbelievable 53 home run, 120 RBI rookie season that could have caused the cosmos to turn against us.

I also remembered a similar promise that was made.

That promise however made good by Frank as he ever so delicately dunked his tootsies in the frigid water of Coney Island, as you can see in this video.

Frank may not be right when it comes to the Mets, but KFC is wrong for this! You don't make a promise to the Baseball Gods and then spurn them. Especially if you are a Mets fan. I told KFC that I would hold him to that bet before the start of the 2020 season and then a little ol' pandemic broke out, which caused me to forget about it since the entire world was shutting down. After a dogshit coronaseason and Uncle Stevie pandemonium, this entire charade was wiped from my memory until we recorded with Pete Alonso two weeks ago and listeners asked if I had told him about the bet KFC welched on.

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It haunts me enough that I didn't ask Pete about KFC's utter refusal to cum himself then throw himself off a bridge. But the fact I could've potentially stopped this season from hell ruining millions of Mets fans' lives hurts even more. 

Which is why I will make this promise to you guys right now. KFC will cum himself and throw himself off a bridge before Opening Day 2022 if it is the last thing I do on this planet. I would rub one out and jump off a bridge myself if I could, but I fear the Baseball Gods would answer that gesture with more fury than they have dropped on the Mets the last 60 years or so since that would be the blogger version of batting out of order. 

If I have to hire a lady of the night to milk him and a bouncer from a club to toss him, so be it. Hell, I will even pump and dump the man myself if I have to. But I will not stand by idly and allow my baseball team to continue to be cursed by a black cloud that always rains baseball sadness. Stand for something or fall for anything. I think that's how the saying goes.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure that was all the cum talk we had on today's podcast. We also discussed which players the Mets should keep, which players the Mets should go after, potential Head of Baseball Ops candidate, Luis Rojas' removal as manager, and who should replace Rojas as skipper (including a very special appearance by pure coincidence).