Who gives a flying fuck?
After canceling 3 vacations over the past 18 months due to ever-changing COVID restrictions, I am flying the friendly skies today with my whole family.
Well... Technically, my wife and I are not actually flying "with" our kids because we are seated in first-class while the liabilities will be building some character with people I don't care to know in coach.
As we were packing last night, I lobbed in a question to the bride... "If we get some daylight on the flight tomorrow, you wanna join the Mile High Club?"
No sooner did the question leave my lips did she lob back this stat, "Seeing that the average public toilet stall is 34 inches wide, BUT since almost all major U.S. carriers have shrunk their lavatories to 24 inches wide in order to make room for more seats, I don't think it physically possible… I mean, for you, at least."
Hurtful, but I appreciated her honesty.
So my fat ass will go back to talking history.
Where did the Mile High Club come from?… Who was the first member?
Some say the concept dates all the way back to 1785 when 2 wealthy English gentlemen… Lord Cholmondeley and Lord Derby… bet 500 guineas to see who could “get into a lady’s knickers while one-thousand yards from the Earth”.
Derby then bought a hot air balloon, found a consenting 18th-century PAWG, took that biscuit in the basket, and won the 500.
Fast forward to 1914, and we have American pilot Lawrence Sperry inventing the autopilot… Thereby eliminating the need for taxing “hand flying” on long journeys, reducing pilot fatigue.
And autopilot had another, less obvious, benefit. It freed up pilots to do other things with their hands…. And dicks.
Fast forward again just 2 years to 1916 - Sperry, the same guy who invented autopilot, switches it on while piloting a Curtiss Flying Boat C‑2 above the coast of Long Island.
He then strips down and starts banging a young lady named Cynthia Polk whose husband was driving an ambulance in war-torn France at the time (because the world was in the middle of WW1 in 1916).
During their session, Sperry accidentally bumped and disengaged the autopilot function, sending their plane into Great South Bay, where they were rescued, both stark naked, by duck hunters.
They insisted their nudity was a result of the force of the crash knocking off their clothes…
But the load in Cynthia’s hair told a different story…
And that is why everyone credits those 2 lovebirds with inventing the Mile High Club.
The New York tabloid Mirror & Evening Graphic went on to report the story on its front page with the famous headline Aerial Petting Ends in Wetting.
We talk about The Mile High Club and a SHITLOAD of other topics on this week's Twisted History of Flight… Give it a listen once your plane takes off.
It's not like you have anything else to do, fatty.
Take a report.
-Large
This week's presenting sponsor is our good friends at 3Chi.
I am probably on it right now because I never fly without the gummies which you can find at 3chi.com.
And if you use the code TWISTED2021 at checkout, you will get 5% off of your order.
TAR
-L