First off, a vocabulary reminder...
The word "bastard" in its original definition, means- A person born of parents not married to each other.
Much like me, that definition does not assume gender, so men AND women can be bastards... Alexander Hamilton is one and so is Oprah.
So is Jesus Christ.
Celsus was a 2nd-century Greek philosopher who called "Bullshit" on just about everything related to Jesus Christ.
Somewhere around 175 AD, he mounted a wide criticism against Jesus as the founder of the Christian faith, and he discounted Jesus' ancestry, conception, birth, childhood, ministry, death, and resurrection.
As far as ancestry and conception, Celsus stated that Jesus was the bastard child of the Roman soldier Panthera (sometimes spelled Pantera), and those charges of illegitimacy are the earliest datable statement that Jesus was a bastard conceived as the result of adultery (or possibly rape).
I will also state here that Celsus also felt reports of Jesus' resurrection came from a single hysterical female, and belief in the resurrection was the result of Jesus’ "sorcery".
A lot to unpack here… Including the debunking of one of the founding tenets of Christianity… But I only bring it up because I just recorded a podcast on bastards.
SOOOOOO… If you are on your way out to mass tomorrow on Father's Day, AND you believe that Jesus was born through either an immaculate conception OR was the product of adultery, THEN TECHNICALLY either God or Pantera was not legally married to Mary and THEREFORE, He (with a capital H) fits the bill as a bastard.
Happy Father's Day to all my fellow motherfuckers.
Take a report.