First and foremost, RIP in peace to my predecessor, Troy Dietrich. He’s not dead, but after failing to upload the first 211 episodes of this show he’s “getting out of the game” as he put it, or “fired” as KB put it. I wish him nothing but the best and hope that during his retirement he can find peace, happiness, and the Oglo backpack full of weed that he lost in an Uber last weekend.
In the 212th episode, the guys take a trip down repressed memory lane and revisit several untold stories involving teachers from their childhood. The secret behind the boys’ Merriam-Webster-esque knowledge of the English language became much clearer when they revealed that their teacher, Physical Eddie, had taught them the alphabet mnemonically through associating sounds with different body parts. Needless to say, the PEMDAS I memorized at my private school in Scottsdale (just outside of Phoenix) was much different than the PEMDAS they learned at St. Vincent’s in West Virginia where Phys. Ed associated the “P” sound with pelvis, the “E” sound with elbow, the “M” sound with mouth, the “D” sound with… well, you get the point. (We were unable to book Mr. Jerry Thornton for this segment)
Staying in the (what I can assume were) unpolished hallways of St. Vincent’s, the boys pivoted to discussing some of the more memorable classmates they had during their formative years. Despite what I, or the rest of the country, may have speculated about the demographics of a school in the Appalachian mountain range, they did have a diverse classroom. In defiance of their caucus sounding names, Beyoncé and Gabe Lackman were two shockingly non-white former schoolmates of the boys who they reminisced on, the former of which they both had a crush on and the latter of may have had a crush on them.
Also in this episode, they discuss high school superlatives like KB winning the “Most Artistic” (awarded by Ms. McGluffy, their teacher with rhotacism), Nick’s 5 orgasms in 5 minutes technique, what it was like meeting the CEO of a successful mall retailer, Mr. Spencer Gifts, and other things that I’m not sure I’m allowed to write out on the internet without being canceled. Please listen and subscribe. Thank you.
(Also follow my Twitter @BarstoolGooch where I will be Fleeting out some of my tunes)