We open up the episode reading the names of those killed in action since the last Memorial Day.
ROUND 1: President Teddy Roosevelt was a Rough Rider even inside the White House where apparently he enjoyed challenging the staff to ::checks notes:: punch him in the face. Would you punch your boss if they asked you?
ROUND 2: Sure, no one wants their spouse to deploy… but would you sabotage things behind the scenes & stop them from going if you could? One woman did just that and then asked, “Am I the asshole?” She might not love the answers.
ROUND 3: A Green Beret & his son went all the way to Japan to get a Nissan… Car Company executive about to stand trial. They smuggled him out in a box & got him all the way to Lebanon. Gotta say… speaks volumes for Green Beret skills, right??
ROUND 4: National Guard cut off at 89 days… Just one day ahead of the minimum needed to qualify for a host of active-duty benefits including the GI Bill. In the words of Jeff Goldblum as Dr. Ian Malcom… "the uh.. The green weenie finds a way..."
ROUND 5: Alright gang… 1 - 2 - 3… STOLEN VALOR! AHHHH That’s right - We got a real doooozy of a stolen valor case on our hands and we’re gonna mosey on over to it