Black Friday Weekend - 20% OffShop Now

Would You Do The Dishes Every Single Night For The Rest Of Your Life If It Meant You Never Had To Change Any Of Your 5 Kids' Dirty Diapers?

Nothing like a domestic and very realistic Would You Rather for a Wednesday afternoon. A listener threw this one out to the Podfathers mailbag as his soon-to-be wife proposed this question for real life. Mrs. Listener would handle every single one of the dirty diapers that their 5 future kids popped out in exchange for Mr. Listener doing the dishes from the time he says I Do until death does them part. And I imagine everybody that clicked this link, regardless of if they made the epic mistake of having kids or not agreed that you NEVER would agree to do the dishes for the rest of your life in exchange of not having to handle dirty diapers for 10-15 years.

Dishwasher technology is already pretty fucking good and will only get better. But unless you have a robot that will literally take your dish off your table, clean it, and put it away, you don’t make that deal. And even if you have a robot like that, do you want something that could instantly weaponize against you and your family of 7 during the inevitable Rise of the Machines?


These are all estimates, but say our friend here is alive for another 60 years. You have to do the dishes around twice a week for 52 weeks for 60 more years which takes us to 6240 dish washings at a bare minimum. That number probably goes up because there may be 7 people living in his house along with all the requisite parties, sleepovers, guests, etc. That is a SHITLOAD of dishes (no pun intended). Just being completely in charge of a chore and ending up on your wife’s hot seat once they pile up is not worth having to change diapers for a decade-plus, especially if the kids are in daycare for any part of their diaper years.

My opinion? Dirty diapers are overrated. Suck it up, clean up your kids shit and piss (which this guy will have to do whenever his wife is away unless he likes it messy) and count down the minutes until your life becomes whole again, which sounds like it will be about 30 years for this sorry son of a bitch.

But since this is a democracy and we are a Podfamily, I am opening up voting to the Stoolies.

Click here to vote if you are reading this on the app

Also on the episode, we also discuss McCartney Chaps’ path to becoming a YouTube sensation, Rich Boy Large’s bocce court being destroyed by a tree, how we would handle being stranded on a stalled train with our family for weeks (Spoiler: we would all ditch our families), and talk about this legend.