MLB Has Turned The National Pasttime Into The Pussiest, Most Boring Sport In America (Excluding Soccer, Of Course)

I alluded to this after watching Larry Bowa go apeshit the other night wondering why we rarely see that kind of manager/umpire fire anymore in the game. And I thought about it, and that’s all I can stands and I can’t stands no more. Let me preface this with anyone that’s ever met me knows I am a die-hard baseball guy, and I will be till the day I die. I love the game. The strategy. The history. The actual skill it takes to stay back on a change-up that looks like it stopped in mid-air because your mind can’t adjust from the 95mph rockets that have flown by the previous 3 pitches. But let’s face it, if you don’t know the in’s and out’s of the game, baseball is pretty fucking boring for your Average Joe/Woman forced to watch the game. A sober Homer Simpson put it best:

So what happened to this game at a professional level that used to run solely on on grit, dip, and balls? Well, a lot of things. First and foremost is the coddling of players by MLB. I get it. These guys are millionaires and the higher ups want to protect the stars. But, conversely, shouldn’t these guys be expected to sacrifice themselves for the sport because they are millionaires? You give me a Giancarlo Stanton billion dollar contract and I’ll Happy Gilmore batting cage it on a weekly basis for the kind of cash and glory these guys get. I’ll start off every night pitching BP without a screen, helmet, and cup from 20 ft away. Right now these players are having their cake and eating it too. I’m not saying everyone should be expected to be like Lou Gehrig who (probably) got ALS from getting literally knocked out cold from games and still put on the spikes the next day. But it all stems from the top, and these guys should be expected to take a pitch off the ribs without warnings instantly being fired to both benches. Sometimes it’s about respect. And the coddling has gone so far it’s slapping the fans right in the face. Remember when they called the ASG a tie because they ran out of pitchers? Fuck that. Send in a position player to the mound to win or blow the game. To make it even worse Bud Selig became Lord Of The Hypocrites and, to try to save the integrity of the mid-summer classic as well as his own face, declared winning league of said ASG game to have home field advantage in the World Series. So…the game went from being so useless they didn’t even care about a winner to being so important it could become the deciding factor in the game’s yearly champion. Fuck you, Selig.

But that’s off course from the subject at hand: How this game is now the pussiest, most boring major sport in America excluding the walking vaginas on the pitch. What else has MLB done to ruin the game? Oh, they essentially got rid of managers arguing with umpires via instant replays. There’s very little reason to get out and go batshit over a call anymore when you know some egghead in NY has the deciding factor and will get it right. Sneakily some of the best moments were coaches going apetits on the umps. Larry Bowa bursting a blood vessel. Lou PInella stealing the bases. Earl Weaver losing his collective shit:

All gold that had little or nothing to do with the actual play on the field but the fans unanimously loved.

Another change that drastically hurt the game is the elimination of arguably the most exciting play in sports: Plays at the plate. Buster Posey doesn’t properly guard the plate and he shatters his leg plus a few other guys get concussions and there goes one of the most exciting plays in baseball out the window forever. Sure, you can still be tagged out, but there’s no more blocking home and therefore no more collisions at the dish. This is pussification of American sports at its finest. I’m obviously all for protecting the players but when it takes away from the excitement and integrity of the game, it’s a big issue. Instead of banishing collisions why don’t they NFL it and eliminate missling the head at full speed or force the catchers to wear more protective gear? Or even better actually teach catchers the proper way to guard the plate without getting steamrolled into oblivion. Something. Anything. Because baseball needs more old, nay, good school stuff like this.

Charlie Hustle is constantly spinning in his future grave underneath some Atlanic City casino. Here’s probably the most famous homeplate collision of all-time (during the MEANINGLESS All-Star Game).

Maybe the players themselves have become prima donna pussies? Can’t exactly blame them. If I were making millions playing a game, why would I risk injury charging the mound out of respect? That’s precisely why every major league “Bench Clearing Brawl” in recent history has been all talk and no walk. It’s embarrassing. Give me Nolan Ryan putting Robin Ventura’s head in a locked position any day, every way. Look at this “Best Bench Clearings Of 2014″ compilation then check out the “Best Baseball Brawls of All-Time”. What a walking gaggle of vagina’s we’re watching now. I’m not condoning fights, but come on. Sometimes you just gotta stop talking about it and be about it. I’d love to see what these pussies today would do if Ty Cobb broke up a DP going spikes up into second.

There’s no question that this game is dying, and all I ask is if you’re going to go, at least go down swinging. That’s all I got until Roger Goodell officially makes the NFL two-hand touch. Thank Christ for the NHL.