Is Competitive Slapping The Sport Of The Future?

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Look around, people. Everywhere you turn, there are coddled little betas trying to ruin the sports that you grew up knowing and loving. They’re trying to take the violence and physicality out of everything these days. Why? Well because this weak ass generation who grew up never needing to work for a damn thing in their lives are now having kids of their own, and they don’t want their precious little children to feel intimidated while playing sports. They think that sports are supposed to be all about having fun and everybody gets a pizza party at the end because everybody is great. Do you think the generation who had to go over to Germany to fight the nazis cared about hits to the head in football? Of course not. Because they had a whole damn war to fight. Sorry but I don’t think that a couple of fights in hockey are going to ruffle many feathers when these dudes were literally fighting in the trenches overseas.

But just when all hope seems to be lost, along comes the Male Slapping Championship in Russia. A sport where men can dare to be men. And what that means is taking off their shirts and open hand slapping the shit out of each other’s face.

So let this be a lesson to all of those out there who are actively trying to ruin contact sports as we know them. You can come after football. You can come after hockey. You can come after any sport you want, but just know that there will always be another new sport just waiting to rise up from the ashes. Is the Male Slapping Championship the sport of the future? You’re goddamn right it is*.

*aside from lacrosse, which is the true Sport Of The Future.

@BarstoolJordie