Washington DC is Jerk Off City: Porn Pageviews Are Through The Roof Because Of The Government Shutdown

WASHINGTON (ABC7) — Curious as to how furloughed workers have been fulfilling their time since December? Simple: by watching porn.

According to data gathered by the analytics team at PornHub — the internet’s largest pornography site, online traffic from the DC-Metro area domains increased 6.32 percent overall the week of Jan. 7-11, as compared to the pre-shutdown averages.

“Pornhub’s statisticians noted not only an increase in visits to the site, but also a distinct shift in the hours during which people are watching porn,” stated Pornhub in an article on their website. “When compared to traffic levels prior to the shut-down, weekday visits across the United States were up 5.94 percent.”

Maybe the only wall we need is a firewall around all the wifi spots in DC so our congressmen and congresswomen can stop beating their Ds with their hands and rubbing their Vs with their fingertips in order to climax sexually. Maybe if we stopped the flow in their britches they can do something about the flow of money not heading to our Coast Guard and other federal workers. Unreal. Look, I love jerkin it as much as the next fella with a moderate to heavy sexual appetite, but that doesn’t mean that I’m taking breaks during the day to, and I’m quoting here, “teach my dick a little discipline in the old fashioned way.” Disgusting, DC. That’s why you dont have a Senator. Horny little shits.