Movie Reviews: BlacKkKlansman, Slender Man, The Meg & Spy Who Dumped Me

Jeff D Lowe8/16/2018 6:28 PM

It’s a big-time review drop for the Lights, Camera, Barstool (subscribe here) crew with four movies: ‘BlacKkKlansman’, ‘The Meg’, ‘The Spy Who Dumped Me’ and ‘Slender Man’. Let’s just get right into it.

Jeff (95/100): Wow, oh boy, this is a very heavy movie. But, at the same time, it has a pretty large dose of comedy elements that cut into some very tense and gritty real-world moments. This is one of the best movies of the year and it really sat with me for many reasons.

The movie is based on a true story that involves the first black cop in Colorado Springs, Ron Stallworth, (played by Denzel’s son John David Washington, who is fantastic in the movie) infiltrating the KKK, along with his partner Flip Zimmerman (played by Adam Driver, who will probably get a nomination at the Oscars). Washington and Driver have amazing chemistry, which is a big reason why the Spike Lee movie works so well.

‘BlacKkKlansman’ takes on past struggles of racial divide and tension in the country, while also tying in current issues faced today. This is in no way an anti-cop movie, as both Washington and Driver’s characters are the heroes of the movie. Washington’s character deals with the struggles of being a black cop during a time of racial tension, especially with the police. Some of these scenes are the best in the movie. But, the film still highlights the crooked and racist nature of some cops in the police force.

As I said above, despite the pretty funny comedic elements, this is a very heavy movie in terms of narrative. There is a scene that features the movie ‘Birth of a Nation’ and it is one of the more emotional, tense and tough scenes I have seen in a while. The whole movie will cut straight through your feelings from start to finish.

Outside of the story, ‘BlacKkKlansman’ is a straight up good movie. I already stated that the script is great, but it really does so much to allow all the actors to deliver some pretty amazing performances. It’s paced well, it gets its message across and lives up to the hype it has been getting for a while.

I will say this: this is a super political movie and has many, many ties to the current political climate. There is an entire montage at the end of the movie involving scenes from the “Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville last year. It’s not easy to sit through at all but connects many of the themes from the movie. Regardless of your political affiliation, just know that if you don’t want to experience a movie that ties in so much of our present-day news, I’d stay away from the theater.

KenJac (93/100): Easily Spike Lee’s best movie since ‘Inside Man’, ‘BlackKklansman’ sends you on an absolute emotional rollercoaster. It’s intensely raw, laugh-out-loud funny at points and very political. Lee uses his trademark style to offer you an outstanding and unapologetic commentary on our current racial landscape, while also telling a solid rendition of the real-life Ron Stallworth story.

John David Washington (‘Ballers’) and Adam Driver (‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’) are both quickly establishing themselves as top-tier actors, and both of them do a phenomenal job throughout the movie. Both had their own internal battles of identity and they excelled at making you feel empathetic to their struggles. Topher Grace (‘That 70’s Show’) was almost too believable as David Duke, and his crew of Klansman; Jasper Pääkkönen (‘Heart of a Lion’) Ryan Eggold (‘The Blacklist’) and Paul Walter Hauser (‘I, Tonya’) really gave you the creeps and made you feel their hatred. Also, a huge shout out to Laura Harrier who went from playing a pretty whimsical role as Peter Parker’s love interest in ‘Spiderman: Homecoming’ to a very serious role in this. Ashlie Atkinson (‘Bridge of Spies’) was also extremely off-putting in a role that I loved.

As far as the technical layout of the movie, it is a very Spike Lee joint. If you don’t like his movies, there will for sure be stylistic points that have you scratching your head. I loved the set pieces for it, and the music choices and scenes leant to the vibe perfectly. There is a couple of camerawork moments I really enjoyed, such as a civil rights speech by Kwame Ture. The rhetoric is very powerful, and the way Lee edited the scene really almost takes your breath away.

Lastly, the political language is extremely heavy. There are outright references to Donald Trump, his campaign, language, and personality cult in general. The movie ends on clips of the “Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville from last year, including footage of the murder of Heather Heyer by a white supremacist scumbag who’s name I won’t include. It was extremely uncomfortable, as intended, and some people left the theater in tears. At the end of the day, Lee found a way to give a statement that is packaged neatly in a well-paced and multifaceted flick.

Jeff (3/100): I strongly, strongly dislike this movie. Not only is it just flat out not good, but I also just can’t believe they actually made this movie.

Terrible true stories are made into movies all of the time, but ‘Slender Man’ was made way too close to the actual stabbing events of 12-year-old Payton Leutner back in 2014. The film as a concept and timing isn’t great, but the thing that set me over the edge was this tweet from the movie’s Twitter account.

What the fuck is this? You’re making a meme out of this!? Call me soft, I really don’t care, but fuck that shit. There are so many ways to create original, unique and intriguing horror movies that I can’t get on board with exploiting the stabbing of a 12-year-old girl 19 times by making a movie only four years after it happened.

I have nothing against the people involved, you have to secure the bag, but I will poo on the studio and Hollywood for making it. Sony even had concerns with the release of the movie and the blowback they would receive, so my take isn’t all that crazy. Also, again, beyond the moral side of it, the movie is just terrible.

KenJac (5/100): Horror is the top-heaviest genre in all of the movie industry, with the top 5-ish percent being amazing and everything else being basically garbage. Guess where this movie, based off a 2009 web forum meme, lands on that spectrum?

I feel bad for the lead, Joey King, because this is now her second movie that was so bad I had to score it in the single digits. ‘Wish Upon’ was my personal worst rated movie of 2017, and ‘Slender Man’ is probably going to end up in my top 10 worst for this year. It’s not her fault, because her performance is totally fine, as are her co-stars’ Julia Goldani Telles (‘The Affair’), Jaz Sinclair (‘Paper Towns’) and Annalise Basso (‘Captain Fantastic’).

It’s just a garbage movie based off a terrible concept with poor writing. It’s maybe one of the most boring horror movies I have ever seen. You would think the goal would be to scare you, fill you with suspense, or at least make you interested in what’s going on. It does none of that and isn’t worth your time unless you’re a huge fan of the meme or the genre.

Jeff (43/100): More like ‘The Meh-g’, am I right!?

I am pretty disappointed by this movie and I am going to blame it on the PG-13 rating. Going into the movie, I had no idea it was rated PG-13. The whole time I thought this was going to be a ridiculous, over the top and fun B-movie about a shark just destroying everything. The shark destroys things, sure, but it’s a bit more toned down than I had expected.

Those ridiculous ‘Crank’ movies with Jason Statham are just that, ridiculous, but the R rating allows them to breathe enough in “edgy” areas to allow it to thrive. ‘The Meg’ knows exactly what it wants to be but is restricted from being the fun movie it should be. There are some fun “big shark” moments, but nothing will wow you or blow you away. The trailers make it seem like ‘The Meg’ might have a terrifying yet fun element, but you only really get the latter.

I can see many people having a good time with this and that’s okay. Not just because anyone can like any movie they want, but it does border on a good time. It didn’t live up to the potential it had, which is an unfortunate letdown.

KenJac (55/100): It can’t be hard making a movie about one of the top tier action stars’ in the world fighting a giant CGI shark entertaining as long as you have the money. Is it very entertaining? No. Is it boring? Also no. It’s in a mediocre purgatory for me.

Jason Statham is the star, playing an ex-rescue diver who gets called back for one more job. Real original already, right? The job is rescuing his ex-wife Lori (‘Jessica McNamee’) whose research submarine is trapped beneath this Mariana Trench 2.0 sort of deal. This leads to them accidentally releasing ‘The Meg’ onto coastal China, while Statham and the research crew try to kill it. Statham is Statham, and the next best performance I would say comes from Rainn Wilson (‘The Office’). I haven’t loved a ton of his movies, and this role was perfectly weird, which is what he is best at. The supporting cast of Bingbing Li (‘The Forbidden Kingdom’), Cliff Curtis (‘Training Day’), Page Kennedy (Vine?) and Ruby Rose (‘OITNB’) were all perfectly fine, but there were no standout performances worth noting.

Some positives to note are that it goes by in a flash. I like that pacing a ton for a movie in this genre, and it helped my score of it tremendously. The CGI was ok, especially considering that it made up the bulk of the movie. I would have liked for them to make the Meg itself much scarier or at least build up its reveal more. It was almost more like a ‘Pacific Rim’ type battle between monster and man than a humans vs. nature type deal.

It’s half decent for what it is, but I wouldn’t run to the theater to watch it. Watching YP battle with a real life shark was way more entertaining.

Jeff (39/100): Right off the bat my biggest issue with this movie is that it is simply too long. There isn’t enough substance to justify having it run for two hours. It has a few nice moments, but it falls in line with a ton of below average comedies that have been released in the 2010’s.

I am a pretty big Kate McKinnon fan, but only when she has the right script. Much like the not-so-great ‘Ghostbusters’ remake, the script does nothing to allow McKinnon to be funny. This is not an original thought, but her and Kunis don’t mesh very well in their “partners” role in ‘The Spy Who Dumped Me’. When it comes to having a buddy cop style movie, the pair not playing well off each other is less than ideal.

This is a rental or something you watch when it airs on HBO (you are a psycho if you watch comedy movies on cable TV), but not something I’d suggest ponying up to see in theaters if you don’t have one of those fancy movie plans. In terms of spy-comedy movies, I think Melissa McCarthy’s ‘Spy’ boasted a better cast and better jokes, and ‘The Spy Who Dumped Me’ just ends up falling pretty flat.

KenJac (41/100): This is one of those movies that will be probably forgotten and used as a trivia question a few years down the line. A solid idea with a paper-thin plot and too long of a runtime, it just reaches a bit too far.

Mila Kunis (‘Family Guy’) and Kate McKinnon (‘SNL’) play two friends thrust into in international espionage thrill ride by Kunis’s ex-boyfriend, played by Justin Theroux (‘The Leftovers’). Kunis’s character isn’t necessarily funny as so much a vehicle for the plot, and she gets absolutely dominated by McKinnon’s over-the-top performance which I found extremely annoying. I think McKinnon is a very funny actress, but this role did her a huge disservice by making her obnoxious to the point of cringing at times. Theroux didn’t really get a ton of face time either, with Sam Heughan (‘Outlander’) essentially picking up his slack. Damn, did Theroux look good, though. Did anybody ever get done dirtier than whoever ran hair and makeup for ‘Parks and Recreation’ Theroux?

Yeesh. Like I mentioned earlier, it’s just too long. A two-hour runtime for a turn-off-your-brain comedy isn’t well advised. Especially when your plot is too thin to cover for mediocre humor. There was definitely decent camerawork, music and sound editing. One of my favorite scenes is right at the beginning when they juxtapose Theroux doing this crazy, John Wick-esque escape scene in Europe with Kunis all sad at her birthday party back in the states.

It will make for a good Sunday morning watch whenever it drops on streaming. Other than that, there are way better options to go for in theaters right now.

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Talk about a couple bad movies! Only ‘BlacKkKlansman’ was Officially Buttered out of all of these movies, while the other three are Officially Not Buttered in our rankings system. We will be reviewing ‘BlacKkKlansman’ soon on the podcast, but you can hear our ‘The Meg’ review on the podcast from this week’s episode with special guest @DonnieDoesWorld.

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