Get The Photoshops Ready! Reports Come Out That The Knicks Have A "Very Good Shot" Of Luring Kevin Durant Away From The Warriors
It’s time to play every Knicks fans favorite game: Chase The Dragon!
Every single quote we got over the last week of Kyrie Irving sucking the proverbial dick of Boston and the Celtics caused more and more Knicks fans to scramble to find a new superstar that we could dream about giving the max to. So shout out to Chris Haynes for making it significantly easier for me and everyone else to fall back into bad habits and believing that a Top 5 player will come to New York because KD’s management team is based here, his dad is a Knicks fan, and the allure of Madison Square Garden as well as being the face of a core NBA franchise in the capital of the world would be too much to turn down. Mentioning that this would be a Legacy play for Durant gave me a Knicks Superstar Free Agent Buzzwords BINGO. Kevin Knox won’t win his first MVP for at least 3 more years and Kristaps will be recovering from his torn ACL for a while, so this will definitely be known as Durant’s team if when he signs here. Haynes also gets bonus points for mentioning how LeBron went to LA since almost all of those previous points were reasons LeBron went to Hollywood despite the Lakers not having a roster that is a championship contender from the jump. What’s the difference between the Knicks and the Lakers? Both are based in humongous media markets that are homes to two of the most valuable NBA franchises. Who cares that the Knicks have one of the most unlikable people on the planet as an owner while the Lakers have the daughter of one of the great owners in NBA history? It’s all the stuff off the basketball court that is going to get us Kevin Durant and definitely not leave us with blue balls for the one millionth time.
Actually you know what, I am going to take this news with some positivity. If we have learned anything over the last few years, it’s that Kevin Durant has some of the thinnest skin in the NBA. He hears everything that is said about him and reads everything that is written about him, regardless if it’s a fucking podcast he just went on, the blogger boys blogging from their parent’s basements, or a 12 year old commenting on Durant’s Instagram. And I love how that helps the Knicks chances. No group of fans has their team’s back blindly more than Knicks fans. Sure we may hate the owner and the suits that botch up the moves. But the Knicks are the rare time the city comes together as one (except for Nets fans, but whatever) to support a team. We have convinced ourselves for years that the Knicks are better than they are simply because we have to. It’s the same way we talk ourselves into living in an overpriced garbage dump of a city. But the fact is nobody will have your back more than a Knicks fan. If someone goes at Durant for being a babyback bitch with burner accounts, he better get ready for a million responses from an avalanche of people wearing Timbs with orange and blue in their avatar. Kobe Stans without the warm Cali weather to soften them up. Add that into all the other stuff Chris Haynes mentioned and I am fully convinced that Kevin Durant is going to sign here (until he doesn’t).
Now pump those Photoshops of KD wearing a Knicks jersey directly into my eyeballs!
Nothing can possibly go wrong!