I Watched People Punch And Kick Each Other At Bellator 208 Over The Weekend

I don’t do things. It’s against my very nature to leave my comfortable place of residence for any event where my attendance isn’t required. For instance, I leave my apartment to go to work Monday through Friday because I need money to survive in New York City. I need money to pay for Seamless to eat, to pay my cell phone bill to keep getting these tweets off and, most importantly, to pay rent so I can have a safe place to return to and not leave from Friday afternoon through Monday morning. So when Bob Fox asked me on Friday night if I wanted to go all the way out to Long Island to watch a sport I only very recently started following my immediate response was absolutely not. There’s just no way. Leave the apartment? On a Saturday? Couldn’t be me.

Let’s back up a little bit. I live with Robbie Fox. We’ve lived together for about 3 months and everything is great minus the giant custom-made display case in our apartment that’s filled with countless Funko pops. It scares me every time I take a piss at 3am. I open the door to my room, hang a Roger down the hallway, I’m always shirtless and in boxer briefs because that’s how I sleep (sup ladies), and this is what I see

Terrifying, right? I’ll never get used to it. I feel very vulnerable and exposed. All those little eyes staring at my near-naked body as I scurry to the bathroom. I got Han Solo, Chewbacca and the entire cast of Silicon Valley judging my Midwest frame every time I turn the corner. So living with Bob has been awesome minus that part.

Anyway. Robbie Fox loves combat sports and does a phenomenal job covering them for Barstool Sports dot com. If you’re reading this blog then you’ve likely seen some of the coverage and it’s fantastic. So it shouldn’t surprise you that combat sports are often on at our apartment. We’re pretty much always hanging out in the living room so over the past 3 months I’ve been watching MMA somewhat consistently. I now know what different submissions are. I now know there’s a difference between taekwondo and jiu-jitsu. I now have a greater appreciation for the shit-talking abilities of Chael Sonnen. I’ve learned a lot and I really enjoy watching MMA from my couch.

So what made me decide to go to Bellator 208 when it goes against every fiber in my body to leave the apartment on a Saturday? A couple things. One, I recalled the time I got a wild hair and went to UFC 217 at Madison Square Garden with Bob and how much fun I had. The main thing I remember was just how awesome the vibe at MSG was. I’ve been to a lot of sporting events in my life but none of them have the same feel as a fight. There’s just something special about lots of people gathering in one place to watch two highly-trained people try to knock each other unconscious. No other sporting event matches that atmosphere. And two, we’d be credentialed media at Bellator 208 which means we’d be sitting about as close to the ring as possible.

Also I met Action Bronson at UFC 217 which was sweet (White Bronco coming November 1st)

Combine all those things, and add the fact we were gonna have lunch at Borrellis beforehand, and I made the decision to wander out into the big bad world and go watch people punch and kick each other on Long Island.

(Bob talked all about our experience at Borrelli’s in his blog and he nailed it. I agree with everything he said so read his blog to see how that went. Shout out to Mr. Borrelli for the ride to the Coliseum. What a guy.)

Here were my main takeaways from Bellator 208:

– It’s hard to stay impartial on press row when people are punching each other in the face. At this point I’ve been credentialed to a few sporting events and the rule is always, “No cheering.” You’re supposed to remain impartial and cover the event without an ounce of bias. Well that’s all fine and dandy when you’re watching golf or football but MMA? No fucking chance. Every time somebody landed a big punch I stood up on press row and yelled, “BOOM!” I didn’t do it on purpose. It was my natural reaction to watching people physically hurt each other. And to be fair, I wasn’t favoring anyone. I was rooting for both fighters to punch the other guy in the face. So yeah I was cheering for big punches but I didn’t care who landed them.

– The crowd at a Bellator event is a strip club crowd. We walked into the Coliseum and the crowd was a strip club crowd. It’s hard to explain what a strip club crowd is but you know it when you see it and that’s what the Bellator 208 crowd was. I’m not saying strip club crowd as a negative by the way. I love strip clubs. I love strip clubs so much that I don’t allow myself to go to them anymore. There was a time in my life where I was addicted to strip clubs and going to them. I feel very comfortable around a strip club crowd because deep down I’m one of them so that made Bellator 208 even better.

– Robbie Fox is a rock star in the MMA world. As soon as we walked into the media center, another media member’s eyes lit up, quickly walked over to Bob and said, “You have HUGE balls my friend.” A strange way to open up a conversation to be sure but it was a compliment. Now that I’m thinking about it some more I can’t be totally sure the guy was talking about how Bob took on the entire Russian mafia in Las Vegas. I’m pretty sure that’s what he was referring to but who knows.

– 50 Cent still moves the needle. This is an obvious one for me but I don’t know if people who aren’t completely obsessed with 50 Cent realize how big of a deal he still is in 2018. Curtis Jackson’s still got it folks. When he walked into the building it was like the most important person in the world had just arrived and they were right.

Obviously I was excited

But so was everybody else. After 50 Cent stepped foot inside they didn’t play anything but 50 Cent music the rest of the night. They worked their way through GRODT and The Massacre before the main event started. It was awesome for a guy like me. Not to take a ricochet shot at Ja Rule but if Ja Rule had walked into that place nobody would’ve looked up from their phones because they wouldn’t have had a reason to. Fiddy walked in and people were hanging from the rafters trying to get a picture of the King of New York.

– Fedor Emelianenko is a bad bad man.

– MMA fans are strangely obsessed with one of Fedor’s sweaters. The most confusing part of the evening came when a guy walked up behind Bob on press row, put a sweater on his computer and Bob almost fainted. I’m not even kidding. Bob’s eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. It was by far the highlight of his night before he met Coach Kavanaugh.

We took a picture with the goddamn sweater

They brought out the goddamn sweater at the post-fight press conference

The sweater was an absolute superstar at Bellator 208. Bob tried to explain it’s significance to me a couple times and I still didn’t understand what was happening. I still don’t. Still hopped in that picture though because it seemed like the cool thing to do.

– People should do things. This one is for me. I should do more things. I always have fun when I decide to betray my sworn oath to laziness and get out of the house. It’s just easier to do nothing but that’s the wrong impulse. There’s a whole wide world out there filled with cool experiences. I almost didn’t go to Bellator 208 and would’ve just sat at home and watched Netflix or stupid YouTube videos all night. Instead I went to Bellator 208, watched people get knocked out right in front of me, witnessed My President move the needle in 2018, held a weird sweater and made mems with my friend Bob Fox. 10/10 would do it again.

Get out there and do things, people. Or don’t. Do whatever you want.