A Secret Sex Party Is Coming To New York So I Applied To Join

New York Post- LA’s hottest sex party is coming to New York. Snctm — the members-only club where rich and powerful pleasure-seekers indulge their wildest fantasies — is set to touch down at clandestine penthouses throughout the city for monthly masquerades, starting April 1.“Very excited to build our membership there, and see what evolves this year!” its 45-year-old founder, Damon Lawner, tells The Post.Threesomes, erotic fire-eaters, masks and more have dominated the scene at Snctm, now in its fifth year of business. As The Post previously reported, its A-list clientele — who include Bill Maher and Gwyneth Paltrow — on a typical evening may encounter pretty young things wearing metallic pasties and black badges that read “Eat me” or “Touch me” on their décolletage, while holding platters of bite-size brownies.

Oh it’s time to sliiiiiiiide

Snctm looks SUPER wild. Shit makes the orgy in Sausage party look like Charlotte’s Web. I watched the video on their website last night while I was watching the Rangers game and had to put that shit on mute due to the debauchery going on. Since it’s coming to New York, I naturally had to give getting admission into Snctm a go.

Boys softball, ever heard of it? They don’t let just anyone play.

Also I think the 3 picture I chose will increase my chances:

You’re under arrest…for being too sexy

Post-Sweet Sixteen. Crunk. Yeah, I’m sophisticated and I party.

High School Graduation. (4 years perfect attendance and like 2 trimesters on Honor Roll, kdb)

Fingers crossed.

I think I might have got a little off track thinking about betting overs in college basketball, but I digress.

The first paragraph on the website reads- The Club exists to serve the social and entertainment needs of our members and guests by maintaining the highest standards of excellence in all endeavors, by providing creative and culturally rich programs, and by providing a safe and comfortable environment for personal exploration.

So in other words….I think I’m in.