More Like Angryiana Grande: Saying Pete Davidson Has Butthole Eyes Has Caused A Big Stink

Yesterday I wrote a pretty harmless blog about Pete Davidson. As some who writes jokes for a living, I make some observational humor from time to time. For instance, I could be out at my local pumpkin patch celebrating the opening of pumpkin szn and see a pumpkin that gives me a little chuckle. If that happens, I might write a blog about it that plays a tiny role in getting my friends’ show canceled.

Pete Davidson’s eyes look like buttholes. Some people have taken that as an insult. It wasnt meant to be. In fact, many would say that it’s a compliment. Moreover, I even said I’m sorry if this offends in the original blog.

Nevertheless, the asshole has never had a stronger run than it has in the last 3 years. People eat it, rim it, finger it, and fuck it now like there’s no tomorrow. Pete is lucky that way. There has been no better time in human history to have butthole eyes than right at this very moment. Think about that for a minute. Since the Big Bang happened over a thousand years ago, this is the best time to have butthole eyes.

The span of recorded history is roughly 5,000 years, beginning with Sumerian Cuneiform script, the oldest discovered form of coherent writing from the Protoliterate period around the 30th century BC. Ancient History covers all continents inhabited by humans in the 3,000 BC – 500 AD period and there was no mention of eating ass or anal sex until at least the ancient cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. Sodom and Gomorrah were cities mentioned in the Book of Genesis and throughout the Hebrew Bible, the New Testament, and in the deuterocanonical books. Both cities were known for their sexual escapades. In fact, the cities’ names are the root words for sodomy and gonorrhea. Incredible.

Back to Pete’s eyes. Many people dont know this but when you were menstruating in the Old Testament times, you had to leave the city because the period blood was thought to be unclean. Very unfair. If they made every woman leave, imagine the shockwaves that would pour through the city when butthole-eyed Pete (not using that as a new nickname just as a descriptor) comes waltzing through. Not good.

That being said, Pete is lucky to have his eyes in 2018. Hell, we all are. I will be honest as I close this blog and move on from this subject. I didnt expect anyone to get this mad about everything. I had no idea that she would be so Angryiana Grande about it.