I got a buddy Smitty who is a real wild man. Great dude. Lives and breathes everything we talking about in The Bookie Chronicles. Just an absolute savage of an adult man with more character than you know what to do with. Anyone with a social life worth a shit has a buddy like Smitty. He can responsible consume as much domestic beer as anyone reading this blog while playing a 2 handicap.

In addition to these remarkably endearing attributes, Smitty is also well connected with Major League Baseball players and that goes back to long ago when the Cubs were losing 100+ games a year. One thing lead to another and Smitty became kind of a local gofling tour guide. So every now and then he gets a call from “A Guy” who says “I Got Some Players” and then Smitty takes them golfing. Basically. That’s the cliff notes of like a 10 year evolving story that Smitty usually needs 2 hours and a small batch of fireball to get through. You get the point.

So a few months ago a team was in town and Smitty’s like Yo Carl come to Maple & Ash and get dinner with us. On me. I want you to meet some friends. So of course it’s a big league hitting coach and 3rd base coach for an American League team. 3 hours and a thousand dollars later I can admit it was a top 10 meal in all material respects. I’m not here to talk about the dinner just know it was a good time and obviously as a baseball guy to get that much 1-on-1 time was fucking incredible because all we did was talk baseball. I mean nitty gritty weird baseball stuff. Again not here to talk about the dinner just setting the stage it was an extremely big time move from a great buddy of mine. Love this fucking guy.

So fast forward. I’m bombed. I’m leaving dinner. I tell Smitty, a known stick and big time golfer, I owe you one big fella. Name your price.

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Instantly he responded

Barstool Classic sold out instantly dude.

Fuck me.

Are you kidding me Smitty?

I’m the lowest guy on the totem pole around here. I got zero pull, even less internal awareness and not for nothing I’m still remarkably nervous to expense things just because I don’t want to remind the finance department that they cut me a paycheck every two weeks.

What exactly does Carl do here? 

I heard his real name is Mike

So yeah. I didn’t have a clue what to tell Smitty when he said he wanted a spot in the Classic. I’m out here trying to make rent Smitty.

Yeah for sure I know Riggs super well. He’s actually talking to us about doing a thing. 

What in God’s name was coming out of my mouth. I had talked to Riggs all of maybe 3 times, once in person. Great dude. We bonded over Skokie Country Club, a severely underrated track. I said Oh Really? when he told me his Real Name was Sam. Real personable guy blah blah blah.

Still. Absolutely ZERO reason for me to call in favor

You talk to Riggs yet?

Smitty was relentless. Bi-weekly reminders like he had me in Outlook or something. Smitty realllllyyyy wanted to get in the Classic.

Yeah you’re all set

Hadn’t talked to Riggs once. Was avoiding this like the plague. Dear god leave me alone everyone. The Cubs are sliding.

Soooooooo when should I expect an email or whatever with the details?

Months pass

It should be coming any time

Fuck am I waiting for? Smitty is a super sharp dude and an even bigger bullshitter. The saying is true. You can’t bullshit those guys.

Dude are you fucking with me on this Classic thing?

I’m trapped. Backed into a corner. Really wish I didn’t get so hammered and just kind of vaguely said I owed Smitty one. Actually doing it? Man this fucking sucks.

SMITTY WHY WOULD I LIE TO YOU DUDE YOU’RE FINE

Uhhhhhh

Hey Riggs do you have a spot left in the Chicago Classic? I’m thinking about doing a video with my buddy Smitty and caddy for him

What a horrible shot. I’m such a moron for stalling and not just getting in front of this months ago. Riggs is killing it with this tournament. The last thing in the universe he needs to deal with is This Asshole (me) about squeezing my buddy into the field.

Hey Carl I have an idea…

And BOOM. Just like that the Barstool Chicago Putting Contest For The Last 2 Spots In The Barstool Classic was born.

The field sold out in 15 minutes. The waiting list is so long the pro shop had to start screening calls. They literally had to tell people to stop calling and asking to join. The capacity is overwhelming.

I strategized left and right with Riggs (Harvard Guy and Big Ten guys mix well) and came up with a way that was open and fair and honest to squeeze one last 4some on top of the field and bring the heat.

I’m caddying and carrying the bag on the 16th. I got 4 guys with me. Smitty. Mystery guest and whoever wins this contest tonight at Harborside. Over 250 tried to register and we’ve got a field of about 50-100 depending on how badly I fucked up the invitation process. But don’t tell Harborside. I promised no more than 40.

We’re streaming the contest on the blog tonight but not the whole thing because that would suck. Just the last round of 6 guys.

I designed the course myself.

We’re doing social shit on it from 6-8 if you want to get drunk after work with us and watch us rip this thing apart. Only two winners get to advance and their blessing is a day with me on the bag.

Good luck to our participants and see you guys on the stream. I’ve never hosted anything so I’m sure this will go real well.

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