Tonight is Our Semi-Annual Patriots Porn Takeover of NFL Network: A Spoiler-Free Review

It’s a tradition unlike any other.

Sure, every team of the 52 that have won the previous Super Bowls has been rewarded with their own “America’s Game.” It’s a deserving honor. And it’s typically some of the best work that NFL Films has done in their long and glorious history. They’re the best film studio in the world right now after Marvel and Pixar, and “America’s Game” is them at the height of their powers.

But thanks to Kraft Productions, the Patriots get an extra hour on NFL Network on the not-at-all rare occasions they win the title. “Do Your Job Part III” makes its world premiere tonight before “America’s Game” does, giving this country the Double Feature of Patriots dynastic greatness this divided, polarized nation has been yearning for.

I’ve seen “DYJ3″ (the show’s droid name) because being the world’s foremost Patriots author is not without its privileges. I’ll give you a spoiler-free review, but suffice to say  you’ll want to set your DVR, your TiVo, or the timer on your Zenith VHS and put in a fresh tape. (Not that one with all the episodes of “Small Wonder” you’ve been saving. Because it is not to be missed.

Much of the focus of this one is the relationship between Belichick and Josh McDaniels. McDaniels talks about being a young coach filing scouting reports for upcoming opponents, only to get it back covered in different colored Post-It notes with all the corrections of the stuff he got wrong. While his boss gives him credit for coming up with 95% of the gameplans, including the way they switched it up in the postseason, using all the tape they’d accumulated going with a power running game late in the regular season to play action the Chargers and Chiefs out of the playoffs.

There’s a lot of film breakdown, which was the money shot of the first two installments in the series. There’s not a “Holy shit! Ernie Adams is real?” moment or the practice film of Malcolm Butler practicing the goal line play that won the Super Bowl like we got in “DYJ1.” But there are gems.

My absolute favorite is Belichick still being hacked off about an OPI non-call on a play that set up Kansas City’s touchdown with just over 2 minutes to go and the Patriots holding a 24-21 lead. ““You can legally make contact with a defender within a yard of the line of scrimmage,” he seethes. “[Chris] Conley ran into [JC] Jackson four yards downfield. It was pretty clear what that play was and how it should have been called.” I can’t embed the video but it’s here. See for yourself. It was an absolute Code Red by Conley that freed up Sammy Watkins and put him inside the five. Given the fact that they refs had swallowed their whistles when Gronk was getting manhandled by Eric Berry makes the call totally inexcusable. And I’m glad Belichick is still Pink Himalayan Salty about it.

Almost as good are the moments the public never got to see, but could only surmise. Like a locker room speech that echoed what Brady said on the field about being dismissed as too old and not good any more “Don’t believe all the other bullshit out there about how bad we are and how bad we suck and all that, how old we are,” Belichick says. “Just keep doing what we’re doing.”

But I said no spoilers so I’ll end it there. Just know that they still win at the end and that “Do Your Job III” is Certified Fresh on Jerry Tomatoes. Come for the championship, stay for the part where Belichick kicks off the Ring Party with his best line of 2019. And have an extra box of tissues ready for the “America’s Game” that follows. You’ll thank me.