That Dude Who Said His Girlfriend Choked To Death On His Dick Has Been Acquitted Of Murder

(Source) — A Florida man on trial for murdering his girlfriend during oral sex was found not guilty Monday. Richard Henry Patterson, 65, was acquitted of second-degree murder in the October 2015 death of his girlfriend, 60-year-old Francisca Marquinez, according to NBC6. Patterson previously admitted his girlfriend had choked on his penis during oral sex in her bedroom. Broward County medical examiner Dr. Ronald Wright testified saying Marquinez could have died from asphyxiation.

I don’t really understand how this happened because this guy’s motion to show his whole dick to the jury and prove that it was, indeed, big enough to asphyxiate a person was denied. Nonetheless, I guess congratulations are in order?

I have to imagine that the only thing that feels better than a killer blowjob or not going to jail for the rest of your life is the knowledge that wherever you go from now on people will know you as the dude with the murderous dick, and Dick Patterson has experience all three recently. Gotta tip your cap to that.

Everyone’s had their dick complimented before. Whether it was a lie from a current girlfriend or just congratulating yourself on waking up on a good dick day, everyone has had that feeling of superiority when someone acknowledges your genitals. But no one has had what Dick Patterson got from a jury of his peers yesterday. Twelve people sat on a jury stand and said, “You know what? Maybe it was just his dick. Maybe that’s all that did it. I can believe that.” That’s something nice enough to make you walk around with your chest puffed out for the rest of time.

PS – Also shout out to his girlfriend. At first glance she’s not the hero of this tale but if you’re willing to die for a blowjob then there’s a special place in heaven for you.