The Soccer Ball For The Portuguese Cup Final Was Brought To The Field Using Some Sort Of Black Magic

Clem5/21/2018 3:30 PM

I don’t know what the fuck just happened, but that is some real deal sorcery shit on par with the Rone Curse taking down the Pats and whatever Zah did to get his ass to Vegas.

Portugal just sounds like a place where magic can happen instead of being the conjoined twin country of Spain. Even Portugal’s flag looks like something out of Game of Thrones.

Anyway, there is no way that ball was sent to the field using wires or some sort of remote control device was inside of it before being used for 90+ minutes on the pitch. It just doesn’t check out. And if this ref pulls this stunt in the 1800s, he is burned at the stake for witchcraft.

Instead since it happened before a soccer game, we are supposed to act like that shit wasn’t sorcery? The Portuguese (Top 3 nickname for citizens of a country btw) clearly brought in some wizard to kick off the finals of their tournament. I mean look what they did before last year’s Portuguese Cup.

Oh no big deal. They just had some guy deliver the ball on the Green Goblin hoverboard. I guess I never realized how awesome Portugal is. I know the Portuguese man o’ war ain’t nothing to fuck with and their navy was badass once upon a time. That navy’s emblem also has a very Westrosy feel to it.

But other than that, I usually forget Portugal even exists. But that changes now. I’m officially all in on Portuguese soccer. ALL. IN. Everyone can suck the EPLs dick, but I’ll roll with the showmanship of the Taca De Portugal. And since I don’t have anybody to root for in the World Cup since the U.S., Italy, and Ireland didn’t make it, you better believe I am repping Portugal to the max since they are able to use The Force. I will also be rooting for Argentina because i love watching a million people tweet MESSI!!! every time he scores without noticing that everyone else does the same thing. Yeah I know this means I’m rooting for two of the best teams that also happen to have the two most popular players on the planet since Christiano Ronaldo is Portuguese. But I really don’t care because the World Cup is just an excuse to get drunk during the work day, cycle through pictures of each country’s finest smokes, and tweet stupid soccer jokes that only play once every four years. Oh yeah and that hideous Ronaldo statue was actually a dead ringer for my beloved Kristaps Porzingis but I didn’t mention it because KP and I were Twitter fam. But since he chose to unfollow me, I can finally stop ignoring the undeniable truth.