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Primanti Bros Came Through Big Time For A Desperate Man In Need

Life can be cruel to any and all walks of life. The world is a cold dark place filled with people who don’t give a fuck about you. Every once in a while, we all could use a little reminder that it’s not all bad. That there is some sunlight that breaks through the dark and ominous rain clouds following us, taunting all along the way on this journey. That’s what the fine folks at Primanti Bros did for this desperate man during one of his lowest points.

The only respite from the gallows of misery this poor bastard had was a bottle of Canadian Club and a metric fuck ton of fries. Some would wonder why he simply just didn’t order many more fries to begin with, but based on context clues found in our protagonist’s tale he does not seem to be made of money. It would appear that he is a security guard at Ruby, given the fact that he uses the word “other” when describing the two other gentlemen who have been piping the apple of his eye and letting him know about it. A security guard in Pittsburgh only has but so much disposable income and he already splurged on a bottle to numb himself. So he reached out his hand, during a time in his life where he couldn’t risk further rejection, at his lowest and most vulnerable, and hoped the person on the other side of that computer screen would hear his cry for help and lend a hand.

Which is exactly what happened. I hope they broke through his window with a fucking forklift toting pallets of fries. More fries than any man has ever laid eyes on up to this point in recorded human history. And to top it all off with a piece of pie is where this blogger turned into a warm, melty, sentient puddle a la The Secret World Of Alex Mack. What a heart warming tale of triumph for a Sunday afternoon. That surgery on June 4th he slipped in there was a bit of a 9th inning curveball that put a slight damper on this otherwise perfect story but hey, life isn’t about winning the World Series every night. Just play whatever game is scheduled for that day and hope for the best. June 4th will happen when June 4th gets here. But as for May 19th, 2018? Pinch hit, walk-off grandslam courtesy of Primanti Bros.