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Futuristic Locker Rooms Are Here (But There Will Probably Still Be Old Balls)

Locker rooms don’t always have the best reputations. They bring to mind fungus, old man balls swaying like ancient pendulums, looooooooong ‘ol boobs that have been around the block, unwanted-dirty-towel-booty-whippins’, musty smells & much worse. If you’re playing sports at the highest levels, this isn’t conducive to success; it’s hard to focus when you’re trying not to get pink eye.

That’s where one company is stepping up, and they’re on a mission to reinvent the locker room game. As featured on Fox Business:

Travis Hollman, CEO of Irving, Texas-based Hollman Inc., is often the person teams hire. His company has helped to design and construct locker rooms for 24 sports teams across the four major U.S. sports leagues, including the NFL’s New Orleans Saints, the NBA’s Dallas Mavericks and Major League Baseball’s Chicago Cubs.

Deep in the belly of gyms and stadiums, athletes, coaches, trainers, and even reporters spend a lot of time in these rooms. A better equipped space can do wonders for morale, and with all the media and their cameras, a good impression can go a long way for a sports organization. Hollman has a good understanding of this.

The lockers themselves have evolved from traditional metal boxes of decades past to state-of-the-art hubs with facial recognition technology, LED screens that outline daily training regimens, bacteria-resistant surfaces, ventilated storage boxes for drying sweaty gear, refrigerated drink holders and personal safes for players, among many other amenities. Hollman said the units are tailored to a team’s needs and allow coaching and training staffs to guide players.

Facial recognition on lockers? Safes? Wow. Maybe that will help cut down on thefts & give players better peace of mind, too.

Either way, it looks like teams, both large & small, are pretty happy with the results…

…and it made me wonder if they do locker rooms for more than just sports teams.

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I know what you’re thinking, but no, I didn’t go to school for art or architecture. This is just a rough sketch I threw together after being up at the office yesterday. I thought it’d be great if we could get a locker room at Barstool since there’s a lot of commuters, visitors, and people putting in weird hours. Depending on who’s desk you sit at, you might need a shower after anyways.

Some people might not be ready for my vision, but I’m going bold. We’re talking saunas, seating, sinks and televisions. On the most extreme end, I’ve included a pool where we can use our SAFTB floats & enjoy the company of a sexy pool man with an enormous, wide, long, veiny pool net. Not pictured, a robot that would change out all the empty toilet paper rolls, and soothing hangover mist pods which I just invented in my mind right now.

As a side note, some other considerations for sports teams – you want a locker room that can be hosed down easily after a champagne celebration or slight blood splatter incident after an angry halftime speech gone wrong.