What Wouldn't You Do For 100 BILLION DOLLARS?

Lately there’s a been a bunch of these dumb hypotheticals where a question is posed and if you say yes you get ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS.

First off, I don’t think people realize how much money one hundred billion dollars is. You instantly become one of the top 5 richest people on planet Earth. You’re in Jeff Bezos’ kitchen with that kind of money. There is nothing you cannot obtain or buy. If you want you could probably make an infinity stone and control time if that’s what floats your boat. To pose the question would you have sex on camera and upload it to PornHub for ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS might go down as the dumbest question of all time. Pay me? For one minute of sex? With a female? Billions of dollars? WHAT?!?

I’d have sex with an elephant for a hundred billion dollars. I’d let all the animals from Bruce Almighty got to town on me if the winning prize was all that money.

I posed this question to our very own light-hearted soul Liz Gonzales and she said she wouldn’t release a sex tape for that much money because it would kill her grandmother. Myself and KFC lost our minds at that answer.

Feits would get down with a horse no questions asked.

Diggs would take on 100 horses like it’s a scene from a Brooklyn Chase porno.

So now I ask the question, what wouldn’t you do for one hundred billion dollars.

Would you cut your arm off? Would you chop off a leg?

I think it’s a no brainer. Why? Obviously losing a limb stinks because they do not grow back, but with that much money anything is fixable. You can pay the next Tony Stark $50 million and he’ll design you a better limb in a few days. I’d almost prefer to have a robot arm that gives me super strength or something along those lines. The only real dilemma here is dealing with the immediate pain of losing a limb. There is an answer to that problem too! Lots of drugs. Show me my money!

Would you murder someone? A friend? A family member?

Yes. Would you murder a friend? Probably. If they’re a groomsman for your wedding they might be spared, but even then just reference back to how much fucking money is on the line. If they’re a cousin or a nephew I think they’re fair game as well. I can’t kill my mother or sister, although my sister is a tempting ask even for zero dollars. An aunt? An uncle? Think about who pissed you off that one time during Thanksgiving. Who really botched their Christmas present a few years ago? We’re talking a lot of money folks, you have to make sacrifices to get what you desire. Thanos murdered billions of people to get his peace, you can kill a shitty uncle for one hundred billion dollars. If you sat me down and let me think long and hard about it, I’d probably snap my fingers and wipe out half the world for that much money.

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Would you change genders? 

If you are currently a guy would you become a girl? Vice versa. I would do it in a heart beat. Listen it’s not like you’re turning into a cat. You’re still a human being and you still have your frame of mind and you still know how to have a great time and spend all your money. You just have boobs and a vagina instead of a penis. You don’t have to have sex with guys, you can just be that super cool lesbian gazillionaire. Instead of jerking off, you finger yourself. The difference? You check your bank account after finishing and you have ONE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS instead of $50.

There is pretty much nothing I wouldn’t do for that much money. Whoever told you money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t have enough of it.