A Float Caught On Fire During A Parade At Disney's Magic Kingdom And Looked Like Something Out Of A Nightmare

Advertisement

I’ve have no problem admitting that I love the fuck out of Disney World. Everyone’s so happy, so helpful, and it’s ridiculously clean. My old roommate was a janitor there during an internship and said that they hire 8 million janitors despite only needing like 100 so the park is impeccably clean and you can always ask someone for help, whether its taking a picture or finding a ride. Disney is basically the polar opposite of New York City. Or I guess you can say New York City is Disney World in the Upside Down.

Which is why it is so shocking seeing something straight out of George R.R. Martin’s spank bank mosey down Main Street at the Magic Kingdom. Everyone is so over the top nice and helpful, I’m pretty sure you can get a free pass back to Disney if you raise a big enough stink about having a bad day there. Well what can you get if your kids saw a dragon meet its maker after suffering a fiery death while Mickey and company danced a jig 20 yards away? That dragon’s demise probably was not nearly as gruesome and fiery as the one the person that made that float suffered in the bowels of The Magic Kingdom.

I’d give the parents in this video shit for trying to get a good view of the flaming robot that could hypothetically explode and kill their asses while consuming plenty of smoke and fire extinguisher gases, but that was probably the first time those poor sons of bitches felt alive that entire trip. Chaps was ready to snap within the first 24 hours of his family trip last year and I’m pretty sure the US plays “It’s A Small World” on repeat once waterboarding stops working on terrorists.

That being said, I am also ashamed that not one of these adults tried to lean into the flames or played up inhaling the metric ton of chemicals being sprayed in the air by the extinguisher that came up comically jusssssst short simply so Disney could cut them the 7 figure check in an out of court settlement the Simpsons would have gotten from the Meyers family if they were represented by Mike Portnoy Esq. instead of that ambulance chaser Lionel Hutz.

Unrelated by kinda related, my Disney Mountains Power Rankings are:

1. Space Mountain: It may be the oldest ride in the park, but it has the longest line.

2. Thunder Mountain: Almost a 1B to Space Mountain’s 1A. I don’t want to say it’s underrated but I’ve always had an A+++ time on Thunder Mountain even though It scarred a young Clem that thought he was just going on a casual train ride through the Magic Kingdom back when I was just a pup.

3. Splash Mountain: Some would call it a glorified log flume, others would call it the GOAT log flume. But regardless, it’s just that. A log flume.