Who Wants To Be A Millionaire Got Real Awkward In England

“Well I’m very sorry but you’re going back to Copenhagen with barely enough to afford the air fare.” Jeremy with the jokes when the contestant’s body is still warm! Give him a minute you maniac! Let him hug his wife before you frame his paltry winnings in the most condescending way possible. I do love Jeremy Clarkson though. If you’re not familiar, he was the host of BBC’s Top Gear, which is one of the most popular tv shows in England. He was taken off the show after 12 seasons for punching one of the producers when the show’s catering company gave him soup and cold meat instead of steak. Now he hosts British Millionaire, which was such great fun back in the 90’s with Regis Philbin.

This is why you always, ALWAYS check the teleprompter. Clarkson basically brought this upon himself. “I’m not going to use the machine,” said the foolish mortal. It’s like pushing away the calculator at your desk and doing the math in your head on your final exam. Or telling your girlfriend, who is disappointed in your sex life, that she can’t use a vibrator. Or trying to murder your neighbor with dental floss when you own a perfectly functioning shovel. The Industrial Revolution made life easier! Use the machine Jeremy!

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And now, some Ibex captions:

When Pirate Simon says he doesn’t watch porn that much.

When you fart just as the doors of the crowded elevator open.

“Your period starts… the day you arrive for the weekend?”

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When she tickles the taint and keeps heading south.

“I do what he says because, you know, he shot me and I’m dead.”

When you try to hit it from behind but her concept of where your penis is, in terms of height, is so insanely off so you try to lower her slightly but she keeps arching her back and if your knees had tippy-toes, you’d be on them.