Things really pick up at the 2:00 mark
Rule number 1 of going on a safari is You Do Not Leave Your Car. Rule number 2 of going on a safari is YOU DO NOT LEAVE YOUR CAR. I was shaking my head while watching that entire video as sadly as I was while writing that headline. Human beings didn’t climb to the top of the food chain by being a bunch of mamalukes hanging out where predators could get them. They did it by being smart, living in places where they couldn’t be eaten, and creating weapons that could kill any animal on God’s green Earth. We outlived the dinosaurs by millions of years. Think of that. Giant lizards with teeth bigger than our hand were cuncelled before we were. That’s a hell of an accomplishment by us. And then these fucking morons go out and make our entire species look like a bunch of chumps. I’m Team Human for life. But there was at least a small part of me that wanted to see these people get eaten in that video if for no other reason than to prove Natural Selection is real. The fact these future Darwin Award winners get just as good a chance to survive a Thanos Snap as you and I is criminally unfair.
Also the husband running to his car and leaving his wife and kid behind is a rough look for French men around the world that already had enough PR issues with gumption and bravery. That motherfucker saw danger and Costanza’d it back to his car on the double and slammed that door shut.
And I have to call out cheetahs for going into the paint so softly in this video and not even nipping at a person’s heels. Cheetahs have been making their ways into text books and Planet Earth shows thanks to their speed and spots. But their ferociousness and overall predator game is lacking big time. Top flight speed can get you drafted by the Raiders but you gotta do a lot more before you make the Predator Hall of Fame. I am done with cheetahs until I see more out of them.