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Monica Lewinsky Was Uninvited From A Party Once Bill Clinton RSVP'd That He Was Coming

Monica Lewinsky is an enigma. You may not remember this, but when her scandal broke, everyone fucking HATED her. Bill Clinton was an extremely popular president, and he lived in the White House with his powerful, impressive wife and 18-year-old daughter. Lewinsky was seen as an affront to our beloved, nuclear first family. People blamed her for the whole thing, like she had seduced Bill with guile and sex appeal. Of course, we now know that Bill pretty much walked around with his dick out, but at the time, Monica received death threats and was labeled a whore. As a 22-year-old intern, that’s tough to come back from. I can’t help but imagine how different the reaction would be today. A sitting, 49-year-old president gets blown by a 22-year-old intern in the OVAL OFFICE? The Me Too movement would be all over it, and rightfully so.

I’m not a huge Ted Talk guy because my ex-girlfriend’s father was always sending them to me, and he was a total cock. But Lewinsky’s speech reflecting on the whole scandal is the most interesting one I’ve ever seen:

On to this party fiasco. You have to assume that Bill and Monica can’t go to the same party anymore. You don’t want to have 2 elephants in the room with the most public sexual history known to man. If I know an ex is going to be at a party, I won’t go. Either we’ll end up fighting, awkwardly avoiding each other all night, or hooking up again and then fighting until dawn. If you run in the same social circles as your ex, you have to treat parties like children of divorce. You take this weekend… I’ll take that weekend. That’s why I try to date the biggest losers in town. If we break up, I won’t have to run into them at all the sweet parties I attend… because they won’t be invited! Haha sucks to suck.

Monica’s response is fine, I guess. She should be allowed at a party if Bill is going. But I don’t like her use of “ameliorate,” in a PS tweet no less. That was the first big word I ever learned in AP European History (yes, I took a lot of APs, obviously. Don’t be a fucking moron). It was a word our teacher encouraged us to use because the test graders would be impressed by it, and then every single kid started using it all the fucking time. It just means “to improve,” so if you use it, you’re trying to sound smart. It’s not some deeper word that works better than “to improve.” Thus, if you use ameliorate, you’re trying to confuse people and sound superior and you’re an asshole. I use this word a lot.

Lastly:

Perhaps the dumbest take I’ve seen all year. I’m sure Monica would be a terrific guest at a cocktail party. But if it’s her vs. slick Willy? Give me a break. Bill Clinton was a 2-term president of the United States. Any time you can get a president to come to your party, he’s the #1 priority guest. Nothing else matters. Plus, he plays the saxophone. Imagine being at a party where Bill Clinton had a few too many, started revealing secrets from his time in power, and then picked up a sax and joined the band? It sure beats the casual, above-board small talk you’d get out of Monica Lewinsky. “Sooooo, Monica… had any cigars lately?”

PS- I’d bet my hat that a lot of these people who are championing Monica Lewinsky’s voice and stance were shouting for her head when the scandal broke in ’98. I wasn’t, because I was 9, and I didn’t know what a blow job was. At that age, I thought the best feeling ever was the first sip of ice water after playing outside on a hot summer day. But once I got my first BJ? Haven’t had a glass of water since.