This Truck Took A Big Ol' Dark Chocolate Dump All Over The Highway

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USA TODAY- The driver, the Associated Press reports, suffered a broken arm and was hospitalized. No others were hurt. It wasn’t known why the truck turned over, reports the Times, Now, crews must deal with the massive mess. The Times, citing local reports, said the truck carried 12 tons of chocolate. Chocolate: Dark chocolate can improve stress, mood, memory and immunity, studies claim “The cooling chocolate is worse than snow,” senior brigadier Bogdan Kowalski of Slupca, Poland’s fire brigade told the Associated Press. How do you move thousands of pounds of hardening chocolate off a highway? Marlena Kukawa told the Times hot water will melt the chocolate off the road. “It will take a few hours or more,” she told the Times.

I was excited about this until I read it was dark chocolate. YUCK. Dark chocolate is disgusting. Fight me. Anybody who likes dark chocolate is a bum. Dark chocolate is so bad that I just assume people are kidding when they say they like it. I laugh cause I think they’re telling a joke. I’m honestly convinced it’s an inside joke that I’m not part of. It’s gross. Either that, or the people who eat dark chocolate also hate dark chocolate but are afraid to say it in fear they’ll be publicly chastised. If that’s the case, I’m here to be their savior. Dark chocolate STINKS. Say it loud and proud. Always has. Always will. You won’t change my mind cause I’m right.

And while we’re here, the way I feel about dark chocolate is the way I feel about drinking whiskey on ice. I don’t think anyone actually likes it. They just pretend to like it cause they’ve seen other people pretend to like it and don’t want to speak up. So they just keep drinking jet fuel on ice and act like they like it. If one day somebody stood on a chair at a bar and yelled, “Nobody actually like this stuff, right?” I think everyone would respond, “FINALLY!” and throw their glasses of whiskey against the wall.