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Stormy Daniels Tells Roseanne She Doesn't Do Anal in THE Twitter War of 2018

And there we have it. 2018 has reached its peak. When future anthropologists thousands of years from now wonder what life was like in our times, they need look no further than this Twitter exchange.

The star of Medium defends the porn actress who once consensually boned the current President of the United States years ago, got paid $130,000 to keep quiet about it, but then broke the agreement. The star of a self-titled sitcom that began in 1988 but has been rebooted to have the characters support this President chimes in. Said porn actress comes back at her. The argument immediately degenerates into a debate on the issue of whether or not the porn actress does anal scenes. And the word “twat” is thrown into the mix as an argument enhancer.

This is what passes for public discourse in the times in which we live. And I for one wouldn’t have it any other way. Seriously, I can’t imagine a better way to decide how we govern ourselves than C-list celebrities fighting it out over who takes which presidential body part into which orifice. Like I can’t imagine how insanely boring it used to be when the arguments were all about Warren G. Harding’s labor policies or whether Calvin Coolidge would keep us out of foreign wars. I want our political debates to be all about the star of Roseanne bitching at the star of True Romance over the crucial issue of whether the star of Trailer Trash Nurses 6 took it in the butt before or after she was the future President’s sidepiece.

It’s times like this that make me believe that out of all the possible timelines we could be living in, this one is the absolutely most entertaining. Democracy is on its last legs, for sure. But it least its death won’t be boring.