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Soccer Mom's Selfie Taken 4 Days After Giving Birth Defies All Logic And Reason

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NORWAY – A footballer’s wife has defended her decision to post an image of her flat stomach four days after she gave birth. Caroline Berg Eriksen – who is married to Norwegian Premier League player Lars-Kristian Eriksen – was criticised for putting pressure on other new mothers to lose weight with the photograph. Bloggers have said that to get the washboard waist in such a short space of time was physically impossible, but the 26-year-old has said she did not intend on upsetting anyone with the selfie.

Nope. Didn’t happen. There is no way in hell this Norwegian soccer mom shit out a watermelon just 4 days prior. There’s only two plausible scenarios here: Either she had a surrogate and sported a pillow for the past 9 months or she’s a witch. And I’m siding with the latter. Straight up sorcery. Something out of this season’s American Horror Story* and the next person that has sex with her is going to hemorrhage out from every hole they have. Best/worst thing about this is it puts all other recent MILF’s on notice. When I have a kid in 7 lifetimes and my baby mama doesn’t look like she can strut down the catwalk within a week there’s going to be hell to pay. And by hell I mean hopefully spanking will become socially acceptable again by then.

*1st 2 seasons were great, watched the first 3 episodes this year. Couldn’t get past seeing all women on the screen for an hour every week. Just the way it is.