USAF Wants Germany to Know the Sky Penises Overhead are NOT Intentional
Source – Air Force officials in Europe said Tuesday that recent contrails over Germany that some internet denizens believed were sky penis renderings meant to rival the Navy’s past feats were not intentional, and were simply mission-related contrails.
“Our pilots were conducting their normal flight patterns, which are based on planned tactics frequently involving circles and straight lines,” 52nd Fighter Wing spokeswoman Capt. Andrea Valencia said in an email.
The weather rendered the contrails visible from the ground, “and simply showed the patterns that our pilots do on a day to day basis,” she said.
“The contrails were not intended to signal anything to anyone on the ground,” Valencia said. “The pattern and multitude was not an intentional act.”
Well I’m glad we straightened that out. Now the citizens of Germany can sleep easy tonight knowing that the smoky dicks in the skies about their homeland are accidental. That the sky penises aren’t made by U.S. servicemen as a harmless goof.
And God forbid that they were intentional. I mean, imagine the horror. That part of the world has seen a millennium of upheaval. Religious fanaticism. Reformation. Refugee crises. Genocides. An 0-2 in World Wars. But to tolerate a little contrail dick art from the very air force that broke the Nazi’s hold over them and kept the scourge of Communism at bay for generations? That would be too big an ask. Won’t somebody think of the children?!?
Lucky for them it’s just Americans stationed thousands of miles from home showing off the Top Gun maneuvers that stared down the Red Menace all those years. Though if I know anything about how the Defense Department works, sky cocks will be banned instantly and the next artist who draws one will probably get court-martialed.
P.S. I’d like to know who invented the dick drawing. I don’t think a day went by in high school that my friends and I didn’t scribble dicks on each other’s notebooks, book covers, homework and quizzes. That was a crapton of time ago and they’re as funny today as they were then. Keep up the good work, USAF.
